Laying to rest...

Tonight I am putting this blog to rest and starting a new one... I am not sure why but some part of me feels like this is what I have to do so I am listening. I am not sure how my new blog is going to go but I hope it takes me where I need to go with life.
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

I'm not sleeping alone tonight... Thank you GOD!

Today a close friend of mine asked me how David and I were doing. I told her life was boring. She gave me a simple reply but it hit close to the heart. She said, "at least you two are together, that's better than last year."
2 weeks ago David's unit deployed to Iraq. Even though I knew I wouldn't be the one sleeping alone that night I cried. I cried for my friends who were going to bed alone with their cell phone on their husband's pillow. I cried for the baby girl who's father will miss her first birthday. I cried for the little boy who doesn't understand why his daddy had to leave. I may not be one of those wives but I am there with them.
In about 351 days I will be in Texas welcoming those boys home. I will cry again knowing their wives will not have to sleep alone that night.
Lord, please wipe the tears from the soldier's wife's eyes and let her sleep peacefully tonight. Amen

GOD brought me here...

" I may not have gone where I intended to go but I think I ended up where I intended to be..."

~ Douglas Adams

Big Guy

Please stop the hatred and discrimination against pit bulls. Big Guy is our 3 year old pit and Jacob's best friend. Many people who do not know us think we are bad people because we have a pit bull. People who do know us have never met a more lovable dog. He isn't just a pit, he is a loyal best friend. Big Guy is Jacob's best friend, protector, and even his favorite jungle gym. Before you assume that pit bulls are a bad breed please educate yourself. Mean dogs are not born mean they are raised to be that way. The most frustrating thing for me is to have people who do not own pit bulls tell me they are viscous dogs. Please, PLEASE educate yourselves on pit bulls so you don't sound so stupid.
Any pit lovers out there are welcome to leave me comments and stories!

Happy New Year

Looking back on 2008 and all I can think is, wow. I am amazed by how much I continue to grow and change every year.
I started 2008 with Bobby and James at my parent's house. At the time I was thinking I was lame but now when I look back I think that I had my values in place and that I would rather ring in the new year with my brother and his best friend then being drunk at some bar with strangers. 18 days later David came home from Iraq. That was like having a huge boulder lifted off my chest. I could finally breathe.
Jacob was baptized in February and about that same time I had a strong feeling I was pregnant. I took a test and it came back positive, of course.
Jacob got sick with pneumonia twice and RSV in May and had to spend a couple days in the hospital. That led to David deciding he didn't want to reenlist.
The months January to June were spent in Fort Hood, TX. I left a place I had met many good friends and to this day I do not know if I will ever see any of them again.
June 2nd we found out through ultrasound that Ryder was a boy. Ryder was born October 18th. He was absolutely beautiful. The best part was David was able to be with me through the delivery.
Last week David spent his first Christmas at his grand parents house, it was also his first Christmas with Jacob, it was Ryder's first Christmas, and our first Christmas as a family all together.
David and I ended the year 2008 watching a movie in our living room in Grand Forks.
The year 2007 was good to me and it is a year I will cherish forever.

New Year's Resolutions

My 2009 New Year's Resolutions:

1. Spend more quality time with my children.
2. Laugh more with David.
3. Don't complain as much
4. Get my weight down to 120 and stay there.
5. Exercise

I was looking back at last years and I did pretty good. Would have did better but sometimes circumstances change.

Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Happy 2 Month Birthday Ryder!

Ryder turns two months old today. Wow, I can't believe he has been here for two whole months! He is a precious baby boy. I know one day Ryder and Jacob will be best buds. I can already imagine them playing together out in the yard in a couple years.
I truly am blessed to have a hardworking husband and two wonderful children.
Ryder will be baptized January 3rd. I am not really sure what I am supposed to be doing to prepare for that day. Is the reception after the ceremony just a time for family and friends to get together, eat cake, and give Ryder gifts? I feel bad for not knowing the protocol but I guess I haven't been to enough baptisms to know. I guess I will ask when I meet with the sister on Monday. All I know is we have chose Carrie and Brandon to be godparents. David really wanted Brandon and I thought the only person besides my sister that I would want to help shape my child's life would be my best friend. I decided to follow David's lead and choose my best friend, Carrie. I already trust her and know she will be a wonderful godmother.
I don't know when we will be having another baby but I already know the godmother will be Annie. This leads me on to wondering about who to appoint as guardians of our children should something ever happen to us. This is something we will have to take time and discuss. Funny how planning a baptism leads to picking guardians for our children.
Hold tight to your baby, close your eyes, and smell their sweet smell. This time is limited and it seems when you open your eyes your baby is now a child...

Happy Belated 2nd Birthday Jacob!

I now have a 2 year old. It doesn't feel like he should be that old yet. Jacob didn't really get a birthday party. On his birthday we drove to Roosevelt and went to the community Christmas party. All he wanted to do was hang on his grandma and grandpa. On Monday Auntie Susan came over and he opened his presents, made cookies, and watched "Shrek the Halls". It was a nice quiet little birthday party.
I am in the Christmas mood but it's still coming too quickly. I have tons of gifts to buy. The house is decorated but I still need to clean it so it actually looks good. I love this time of year and I wish it wouldn't fly by so fast.
Ryder is growing up to fast. He is trying to babble and has started giving us little smiles. He is almost 11 pounds! We are still really struggling with feedings. The one thing I regret is not working harder to breast feed him. I think that would have prevented most of his tummy aches and my sleepless nights.
Jacob is getting whiny so I am thinking it's time to sit down and watch some ER until he falls asleep. After he is sleeping I need to get some deep down cleaning done around here.

"and then there was this time I called the ambulance because I got an artificial nail stuck up my nose..." -- A very lovely psych patient.

Thanksgivingg with family.

I am thankful for big families with lots of food...
I spent Thanksgiving morning with David's parents and the evening with the rest of his extended family. I ate way too much! I had two big dinners with lots of snacking in between and it all tasted oh so good!
I love being close to David's family. I grew up being close to my mom's side of the family and over the years we have just gotten closer. Now that I met David's dad's side of the family, and forced myself to get to know them, I have become close with all of them. Life is so much better with family.
Thank you LORD for the love of family. Amen

Happy 1 Month Birthday Ryder!

I have been a mom of two boys for a whole month! Ryder turned one month old today. We celebrated with donuts. Happy 1 month birthday Ryder!
I am back to work now. I probably mentioned this before but I accepted a job at Family Medicine Associates. They are part of the new Aurora medical park. I absolutly love my job! The people I work with are great and the building is nice and new. Starting December 1st I will be working for a new ob/gyn. I am setting up that part of the clinic right now. It's fun to have almost total control of setting up the office the way I want it. To top it off Jacob and Ryder are doing great at daycare!
Jacob is getting craby so I think it's time to find him something constructive to do. Ryder is getting fussy and there is nothing I can find for him to do, so I guess I will have to deal with it.
Loving your job makes the paychecks that much sweeter...

Happy Veteran's Day!!!

I want to thank all the veterans out there this evening. A special thank you to the veterans who are again in Iraq for another tour. I also want to send out a personal thank you to the guys with 1st Cav that were in Iraq from Oct 2006 - Jan 2008... Thank you David, Merv, Drew, Jonny, Fred, Brock, SSG Rivera, Allen, Chris, Byron, and SSG Addison. You guys are my heros!
My husband sacraficed a lot for this country. I am very proud of him and love him so much for everything he has done for me, his family, and his country.

Veterans are awesome!

I actually want to go to the gym.

I never though I would say this but I am looking forward to being able to start working out. I want to see how good of shape I can get into. All I really want is to lose the flab I have hanging from my mid section, lose the "love handles", get my butt into shape, and get my thighs into shape. I really don't need an arm workout because carrying a car seat and Jacob is workout enough for my arms. My weight goal is to stay under 130 pounds. I only have 3 pounds to go to meet that goal so weight isn't a big concern at the moment. That will be a concern after the holidays.
Speaking of the holidays... I want to put my Christmas tree up! I am in the Christmas mood and it's driving me crazy that I will look crazy if I put my tree up now. I want to start Christmas shopping now but we really don't have the money to do that yet. I think I will have to settle with just watching Christmas movies.
Ryder is a great addition to our family. It feels like he has been with us forever. He has some issues with being gassy, but we still love him.
Jacob is still a trouble maker. I have noticed if he finds something he enjoys doing it will keep his attention for a long time. The hard part is finding activities he enjoys.
I was just thinking about my life and I think I am now a grown up!?. I have 2 kids, a husband, a dog, a house, and a job. Isn't that what makes a grown up? How scary... Where is the pause button!
"Go PAY!!!" -Jacob (Translation: "Go Play!!!")

Happy Halloween!

Jacob, Ryder, and I spent the evening trick or treating . We only went to family because Jacob doesn't need all that candy and this way everyone was able to see Ryder. Ryder was my little pumpkin and Jacob was a puppy. We had fun seeing everyone and Mommy isvery happy with the stash of candy she will have to help Jacob eat. The only concern I have is what will happen to my cute little pumpkin when it turns midnight?

Ryder makes his debut.

Ryder James Gaddie has arrived!

Ryder was born at 11:37 am on October 18th. He weighed 8 lbs 3.7 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. He is absolutely adorable.
I was supposed to be induced the morning of the 18th. I went to bed on the 17th and had contractions all night long but didn't worry about timing them or anything since I would be going in to L&D in the morning anyway. We arrived at the hospital at 7 am. The resident doctor (Dr. Cheng) checked me and I was already dilated to 5. They decided I didn't need Pitocin to start contractions since I was already in labor but that they would give me an epidural and break my water. I got the epidural and as soon as they had me lay flat I started feeling really sick. I started sweating, was short of breath, and nauseous. My blood pressure dropped so my nurse went to get epinephrine and I started puking. I felt better after I vomited, but a few minutes later it all started happening again. After a little while I felt better. Ryder's heart rate decelled during the whole ordeal so we had to wait out a couple contractions to make sure he was fine. His heart rate was good so then they decided to break my water. I don't remember how long is took after they broke my water but soon I had the urge to push. The nurse made me breath through a few contractions. David told me to not push and to just breath. I told him the next time he needed to take his morning poop I was going to lock him out of the bathroom and tell him to just breath. The nurse got a good laugh out of that. When the nurses and doctors finally set everything up I was told I could push. I seriously only pushed like 5 times, it took about 5 minutes and he was born. Ryder came out crying, David cut the cord, and I started crying. This delivery was sooo much easier than Jacob's. I think it because David was there.
David and I seriously struggled to name Ryder. We wanted the perfect name. Because Ryder was born on the anniversary of Brandon's death and he looks like Brandon we wanted his middle name to be Brandon. We couldn't think of any names that went with Brandon so we decided to stay with James as a middle name. After staring at Ryder for a while David said we could name him Ryder. I told him not to just settle for a name and he said he wasn't. I already knew I loved the name and when I looked at him I thought Ryder just fit.

We are all home now and settling in nicely. Jacob loves his little brother, such a relief.

I love my boys. I don't know what I would do without them.
"So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time." - Green Day

We want to meet you!

The car seat is ready, the cradle is ready, the bag is packed, and I am starting to think this baby is stuck. David and I are ready for this baby to be born, I am thinking that is why we are on edge with each other lately. It's something neither of us can make happen and neither of us have patience so it is driving us nuts. To me the house still isn't clean enough to take a baby home to so I am hoping to get some deep down cleaning done today. I also don't think Jacob will ever be ready. He is used to getting the majority of our attention and it still isn't enough for him, so having to share the spot light is not going to come smoothly. For the most part though, I am ready to meet this little bugger. Come on out and meet Mommy!

The most magical feeling is when your baby kicks for the first time... The most annoying feeling is after your baby has kicked for 20 minutes straight at 4 am!

BABY NAMES!!!

I have spent hours going through baby name websites and books to come up with a list of baby names I like. I know I am pregnant and hormonal so some of the names may be kinda out there. I am leaning towards James as a middle name since we used Timothy with Jacob, but sometimes it just doesn't fit so those names have no middle name yet. This list may change so check up on it from time to time. I welcome all comments and votes on the names. Here it goes!...
Anderson James Gaddie -- Ander
Aric James Gaddie
Bryson James Gaddie
Dominic Gaddie -- Dom or Nic
Drake Gaddie
Freedom James Gaddie
Myles Gaddie
Orion Robert Gaddie
Ryder James Gaddie
Ryley James Gaddie
Samuel James Gaddie -- Sam
Zade Gaddie
Zebadiah James Gaddie -- Zeb
Zeus Gaddie

I got to get something done around here.

My body is ready for this baby to be born but we are far from actually being ready. The baby still needs a name. We still have to get all the baby stuff we have put away. We still need to buy bottles, socks, and a diaper bag. I also want to do some major cleaning and organizing, this house is a disaster. I have a doctor appointment today, maybe he will let me know about how much time I have to get all that stuff done. I think I have come up with a pretty good list of baby names, now I just hope David can find one he likes off that list. I wouldn't even mind it if he came up with an awesome one on his own. I will be updating the baby name post today with another name I thought of. Yeah, I should be narrowing down the list not adding to it. Never know maybe I will decide I really hate one of the names and delete it too.
I am trying to get the living room somewhat organized today so I better get back to that and off of this addicting computer.
"Feed me, Love me, and Never leave me" - Garfield

I had time to think and complaining isn't good.

I've been thinking and I have come to the conclussion that I can not force David to change but I can change the way I behave and that should have some effect on David's behavior. I think I need to stop and take a moment to think about why I am upset before I start yelling at David. I realize after I have blown up at him that I had no right to do it and it's much harder to take something back then to just have not done it in the first place. I also realize I am home a lot more and I could do a greater share of the cleaning. A clean house makes everyone feel better. I think if I express how excited I am for the baby maybe that will help David to be a little more excited. I really haven't come up with a solution for the working thing. I am fine with him getting a second job I just prefer it be in the evening not over night and that way I can work my schedule around it and I will be able to continue working. The amount of time he is spending away from home with Brandon isn't really something I can change. I guess the only thing I can do is make sure and have some me time. David doesn't care if I go out with friends, so I just need to put more effort into that. I think if I had a little bit of my own life I wouldn't be so jealous of David having his own. I have also realized that this makes no sense but it is making me feel better.
Be Proactive!...

Just some complaining...

I have one month to go until my due date... I really want to be excited but I guess I am not.
David has been so distant lately. I am trying to understand why but still haven't figured it out. I know this baby wasn't expected and we were planning on waiting, but he has had 9 months to get over it and accept it. He never wants to feel the baby move and I had to drag him to the labor and delivery floor tour yesterday. At first he was all into finding a name for the baby but now that I don't have a baby name book sitting on the coffee table he doesn't want to even think about it. I think he's the only one who doesn't understand that pregnancy makes me hormonal and it causes great discomfort. I sometimes feel like I am the one who has to watch what I say around him. I think he has gotten more back rubs during this pregnancy than I have... Actually, I know he has.
Maybe it's not the pregnancy that is bothering him, but I really don't want to believe it is Jacob and me. Every chance he gets he leaves the house to go hang out with his friend, Brandon. When he does come home he sits in front of the computer and doesn't want to talk to me. I tried to make some nicer meals but he doesn't seem to care. He acts as if my working is a burden because I don't make enough money and he has to watch Jacob. The days I don't work or get done early he has to go do something without us so he can "get away". I take care of Jacob all day by myself and that is just supposed to be over looked. I agree it's nice to go out with just a friend and relax for a little bit but not 3+ days a week for hours on end. I wish he enjoyed spending that much time with me. He's been mentioning wanting to get another overnight job. I really don't want him working overnights because he will want to sleep the few hours he is home and I know that won't happen with Jacob. If David doesn't get his sleep he is very cranky. I wouldn't mind him working part time evenings and I could just work my work schedule around his. I like making my own money though and it is my time to get out of the house. I guess after reading through this I realize I am jealous of Brandon. Pretty bad when I am jealous over the time my husband is spending with his friend. Back when we were in Texas he seemed to enjoy spending time with me and Jacob, he never even wanted to hang out with the guys that much. What's changed since Texas? The only thing I can think of is that I am making less money now. I don't know I guess I am just complaining.
I shouldn't complain so much I know. He does let me pick out the movies when we go rent movies. He bought me beautiful diamond earrings for our anniversary, and all I got him was a cd. He makes more money than I do and I never feel like I am going without. He does take excellent care of Jacob when I am at work. He comes home to me every night even though I know he could be in bed with pretty much any other girl. I love him very much. I just... I want him to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.