Soldier's night before Christmas

'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In a One Bedroom House Made Of Plaster And Stone.

I Had Come Down The Chimney With Presents To Give,
And Just Who In This Home Did Live.

I Looked All About, A Strange Sight I Did See, No Tinsel, No Presents, Not Even A Tree. No Stocking By Mantle, Just Boots Filled With Sand, On The Wall Hung Pictures Of Far Distant Lands.

With Medals And Badges, Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sober Thought Came Through My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
It Was Dark And Dreary,
I Found The Home Of A Soldier,
Once I Could See Clearly.

The Soldier Lay Sleeping, Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor In This One Bedroom Home.

The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured A United States Soldier.

Was This The Hero Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho, The Floor For A Bed?

I Realized The Families That I Saw This Night,
Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers Who Were Willing To Fight.

Soon Round The World,
The Children Would Play,
And Grownups Would Celebrate A Bright Christmas Day.

They All Enjoyed Freedom Each Month Of The Year,
Because Of The Soldiers,
Like The One Lying Here.

I Couldn't Help Wonder How Many Lay Alone,
On a Cold Christmas Eve In A Land Far From Home.

The Very Thought Brought A Tear To My Eye,
I Dropped To My Knees And Started To Cry.

The Soldier Awakened And I Heard A Rough Voice,
"Santa Don't Cry, This Life Is My Choice;
I Fight For Freedom, I Don't Ask For More,
My Life is My God My Country, My Corps."

The Soldier Rolled Over And Drifted To Sleep,
I Couldn't Control It,
I Continued To Weep.
I Kept Watch For Hours,
So Silent And Still And We Both Shivered From The Cold Night's Chill.

I Didn't Want To Leave On That Cold, Dark, Night,
This Guardian Of Honor So Willing To Fight.

Then The Soldier Rolled Over,
With A Voice Soft And Pure, Whispered,
"Carry On Santa, It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."

One Look At My Watch,
And I Knew He Was Right.
"Merry Christmas My Friend, And To All A Good Night."

70 degrees and almost Christmas

It's been a while since I've been on here. I have been working at Bennigan's and The Learning Zone. Money is still pretty tight.
I finally got a tree. Thank's to the military. I decorated it with paper chains and popcorn. I am going to buy lights tomorrow. The gifts under it are small but it's the best I could do for the people I love.
I can't wait to get home for Christmas. I am not sure when we will be leaving yet. I want to go soon but I know I can't afford to be off work that long. It really doesn't feel like Christmas yet. It is shocking that tomorrow is Billy's birthday. Probably cause it was 70 degrees out today. I miss snow really bad. I can't have Christmas without snow.
I need to find another job... a better job... so I can make decent money and no work in such crapy places. I will look high and low this week.
Being down here has been nice though. I have got to meet a lot of cool guys. See different things. And most of all, be with my sexy man.
On Friday I got to go to a Christmas light show. It was really cool. It lasted forever. Much better than Grand Forks one. I went with David, Chapman, and Moore. We all had our favorites until the end. The tunnel of lights was the best and everyone had to agree.
At work today a gay guy I work with told me David had a "scrumptious" crotch and that he "just wanted to grab it." I thought that was funny yet flattering so I had to share it.
I would like to wish Billy a happy 17th birthday and Jamiee a happy 12th birthday.
Thank you LORD for my friends and family. Living this life without fompany would be very lonely and sad. Having no one to share in your joy would take the happiness out of our lives. That is why GOD gave us friends to share in the wonderful life he has given us.

Livin' in Texas

Here I am in Killeen, Texas. I start a job tonight, I will be waitressing at Bennigans. The pay is poor but I guess the tips are awesome (around $90 a night).
I have met a lot of nice guys. I have really gotten to know two of them pretty well, Toomey and Harris. Harris is living with us in the house we're renting. Toomey might move in I don't know. I am leaving all that up to David.
The weather is great. It's been in the 80's since I've gotten here. Today was the first cool day in the upper 60's.
David and Harris have taken me out and shown me the town. Harris it a lot like Jennifer so he's kind of like a younger brother.
I miss everyone from home. Last weekend was Sheena's babyshower, it kind of sucked missing out on that.
So far I am still happy I moved down here. I love haveing a change and I love being near David.
Don't live in a bubble built by your parents idea's, pop the bubble and venture out... It's well worth it.

Talking on phone gets boring.

Only 1 more day left of work. I am either really excited about moving or really scared. I am not sure what this feeling is. I am just worried about the money issue.
David and my phone conversations are getting boring. We have nothing to talk about. I think it's because we have nothing in common except for Nessa and you can only talk about a dog for so long. Oh well, when I am with him we won't need to do as much talking cause we will be together and can do other things than just sit on the phone together.
My mom is having a baby shower for Sheena in a couple weeks. I wish I could be there. I know Sheena is going to make a great mom.
Halloween is right around the corner. So I am sure it's going to snow soon cause it always snows on Halloween. Snow on Halloween may be do to the amount of sugar particals floating in the air. Dress up and enjoy Halloween, it never killed anyone to have a little fun.

I really hate arguing on the phone...

Nothing much has happened since Friday. Yesterday Annie and I spent the day with Gramma. Then last night David and I got into another argument. It started about him not being able to find me for an hour and then about him not finding an apartment, and then about how our relationship needs work. Sometimes I don't feel any love coming from him and I know it's because he doesn't feel respected by me. It's just hard to show respect for someone who is yelling at you. I think we both need to sit down and have a long discussion about what each of us need in this relationship for it to work when I get to Texas. I just hope we don't put it off until we are both heated up in a fight. I think it needs to be done whe neither of us our mad.
I have one week before I move to Texas and I am very far from being ready. I will be busy this next week.
Long distance relaionships really are hard and I doubt if any of them actually work. You have to be with the person in order to feel their love.
Love is a great reward for hard work and determination. Arguments are just the nails in the foundation of love.

Lack of energy is due to lack of chocolate cake..

Here I am sitting at work so one would think I should be doing work. Nope, not me, I have no energy to do anything. I am very relieved it's Friday, it's payday, and I only have 1 more Friday left at Altru. I guess all those things still don't give me energy.
I have a lot to do before I move to Texas so I think I will be busy doing some of that this weekend.
I think I am starting to realize that Felicia is gone and the knot in my stomach is almost gone. The one weird thing is I expect to see her again... Well I guess in a way I will but not in this lifetime, I know I will when we all go to heaven. I just hate to wait that long.
When I get to Texas one thing I am going to make David do is some wedding planning. I think if I get him to do some things he might actually get excited and want this just as much as I do.
I could really go for some chocolate cake right now. I stepped on my gramma's scale completely naked the other day and I only weighed 123. When I stepped on the scale here at work yesterday it was 128. I am guessing these shoes and scrubs weigh about 5 lbs. or so because I am sure I didn't gain 5 lbs. in just a couple days. So, I guess I only have 3-8 lbs. to lose before I am at my ideal weight. I think I'll take Nessa out jogging tonight.
I was watching this music video today it was a song about loving this girl. During the video they (guy and girl) were just goofing around and cuddling, and it made me miss David even more.
Take the time to really listen to someone, not just with your ears but with your heart.

I miss you Felicia...

I have so much going on in my head I am scared it's going to explode. First thing I want to say is I love all my friends and family. I know I don't say it enough and I often don't act like it, but everytime I end a conversation or say good bye the one thing running through my mind is how much I love you.
I just attended Felicia's funeral. It was beautiful yet terrible all at the same time. She was a genuinely kind person and cared for everyone. It was a traditional military funeral. I'll see you soon Felicia! A bunch of my classmates were at the funeral and that made it easier, because we all knew how each other were feeling. After the funeral most of us went to Izzy's for a drink. It was nice to just visit with them all.
I will be moving to Texas the first week in November. I am scared yet excited. I never planned on staying around here yet I know I'll end up back home. I will be there until next fall. I love David and am very happy to be spending time with him before he is deployed.
Money is still a big issue but I am working through it. i have faith that it will get better.
Nathan was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I should have been expecting it because he is 20 years old and has CF. I guess I just don't want the inevitable to happen. I am praying I ahev another good 7 years with him.... Please GOD!!
I know there was more I wanted to say I just can't think of it right now so I will let this one end and hoepfully more comes to me soon.
Grab hold and hug your loved ones tight, for you never know when it will be the last hug.

Where to start?

Let's see here... David was home for a little over a week. That was great. It really sucked when he had to leave though, it was really tuff on me. I think Nessa is getting sick of having her favorite person home for a little bit and then he's gone again. After he left she chewed up 6 pairs of underwear and pooped on the basement floor 3 times. I don't know why I spoil that dog, she's such a brat.
I am technically "engaged". David gave me a ring on September 12th. Just to save him some embarrassment I won't say how he did it. It wasn't romantic and he actually didn't even verbally ask. We are hoping for the wedding to be early September 2006. That is just a guess right now. With David's military life it's hard to actually plan anything. So no one mark their calendars yet.
The ring David gave me is beautiful. It has 3 princess cut diamonds set between four white gold (I believe that's what it is) bands (2 on each side) that wrap around the band of the ring. If you look at the ring from the side I think it looks like a silhouette of a city. This ring is gorgeous and perfect for me. David really knows what I like.
I bought a new-to-me car on the 13th of September I believe... or was it the 14th? Anyways, it's a 200? Chevy Trailblazer. Indigo in color and loaded. I just love it. It has low miles and in great shape so I am sure it will be my car for a long time... Or until Bobby turns 16, because then he wants it. David bought a 2003 Chevy Silverado 2500 HD. It was 4 full size doors and a long box. It's really nice for someone like David. A little too big for me.
A very close family friend passed away September 15th. He was only 50 years old. He was the first person to buy me flowers and so far he has given me the most roses. For my 16th birthday he sent me a dozen red roses because I had no one else to give me flowers. My cousins, my sister and I, and his nieces were like the children he never had. God Bless you, Kevin. I love you and miss you... Yes, I am pissed at you for dying and making me cry. See you soon!
I was in a fender bender... Actually the fender didn't even bend so it was just a fender. On the 18th of September. The stupid asshole that I hit called the cops and was really rude till the cop got there. His wife jumped out of the vehicle yelling at me and he was crawling under his SUV looking for damage until the cop got there and then they were in so much pain they couldn't even walk. Argh!!! We were on the off ramp from Demers going on to Columbia Rd. I thought I seen them go so I looked to see if it was clear for me and I bumped into them, because they were waiting for a car two lanes away! I was going less than 5 mph and hit their receiver hitch. My car wasn't even scratched but they are idiots and like to have drama. The cop was totally on my side and gave me a ticket (which he apologized for like 3 times) for following too close. It was $41. The funny thing is just a little bit ago Jennifer got a ticket for going over the yellow line and that one was a hundred and something. Now their insurance company is harassing me. My insurance company hasn't even gotten a copy of the police report, idiots! What am I paying them for? Just thinking about this is raising my blood pressure.
Annie's kitty Reecie is missing. She has been for a week now, poor kitty. Probably found a home that feeds her tuna every day.
I am trying to find a job in Texas so I could live with David till he is deployed Fall of 2006. Then I would either move back here and work part time or move back to Lake of the Woods and run my dad's cafe.
I got a bladder infection and am just finishing up some Macrobid. It turns your pee neon green. Pretty cool. Important reminder to all you females: always go pee after having sex. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me. Otherwise the doctor will be dx you with honeymooncystitis.
Well let's see what life has in store for me next...
You never know where life is going to take you, so hold on tight, fasten up, pee often, smile, and enjoy the ride.

My thoughts are with the victims of Hurricane Katrina

This week has went by pretty fast. Last weekend I spent time back "home" with my parents and cousins. I went out with my parents Saturday evening and I spent the majority of that time talking with my grandpa. Sunday my parents had a last minute decision BBQ. Diane, Steph, Terrina, Hannah, RaeAnna, Myra, Squirrel, Gavin, Robbie, and Gramma were all there. I spent most of the time outside with Hannah and RaeAnna. We jumped on the trampoline and drove the 4-wheeler. RaeAnna is really started to talk. She would babble something no one understood and then say "jumpy" when she realized no one was jumping on the trampoline. What I thought was neat was sometimes Rae would babble something and Hannah would answer her. Kind of neat that she understood her. I wish I had more time to spend with those girls.
Gavin is a little oinker. He could eat and eat and eat. That's OK I like to eat a lot too.
Nessa now knows "roll-over". She has so much energy, I think she will really enjoy it when David comes home and can spend lots of time with her.
Hopefully, David will be home this weekend and will be able to spend next week with me. I am not getting my hopes up because the army can be a stinker on that kind of stuff. I guess I should get used to my life depending on what a first sergeant or sergeant major decides.
I feel terrible for those affected by Hurricane Katrina. My prayers go out to all those who are suffering or those who didn't make it through the storm.
When life throws you a curve-ball, hit a home-run and win the game.

My one magical power would be...

In 1 1/2 weeks David will be home for a week. That is going to be really really nice. I have a few hours of work to do on the house and then the major room will be all remodeled.
I had to take Nessa to the vet last Friday so the vet could check her for ear mites. Annie's cats had them so they figured they better check her out too. She had a couple so they did the treatment, checked her for heartworm, and gave her a preventative heartworm tx. She weighs 22 pounds. She has grown a lot since we got her in December. She is such a good girl at the vet, so I gave her a treat when we left. I spoil that dog too much.
To all of those that suffered throught the devastating effects of hurricane Katrina, my thoughts are with you.
I wish I could see into a guys thoughts. I always wonder what David is thinking about or what he thinks of different things. So if I could have one magical power I think it would be to read his mind.
I think after I finally get out of work I am going to check and see if the movie, "The Wedding Date", is at Hollywood Video yet. It is always out when I go there. I want to see that movie and a couple other ones that are in theatres. I just don't have the money to be going to the movie theatre though. I want to save up some money for when David is home.
I wish Dr. Sobus would finish up with her last patient so I could go home. She ran behind all day today.
No, time doesn't stand still. Yes, you will wish you could have that moment again. So: speak kindly, act wisely, take pictures, and keep the memories close to your heart.

Loving my boyfriend

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!! He suprised me with a visit home at 6am Saturday morning. He called my cell and asked me if I wanted to come outside and do PT. I was shocked and very happy. Nessa was so excited to see him she peed on the pillow. We layed around, drove around, and ate the weekend away. I was just happy to be near him. I kept smelling and kissing him. It was great to wake up next to him on Sunday morning. He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now, for him to see that I am the one for him. He left Sunday afternoon around 4pm to head back to Texas. I still can't believe he came all that way just to see me. I could go on and on but I will let it rest...at least for a little bit.
I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It doesn't feel more than a few months ago that I started working at Altru and bought my house. It feels like I've had Nessa forever though. Funny how that is.
If you want to make a difference in the world...adopt an animal from the humane center and give it all the love in the world. Your love gives that animal the best life it could ever have. I believe that animals know more than we give them credit for. I look into Nessa's eyes sometimes and I can almost hear her saying "thank you" with the look that she gives me it makes my heart melt.

Gas price making me sick.

Patient's families are starting to really get to me! I don't know if I can take another phone call from some nagging mother!
I am very happy today is Friday. I am going to go home and clean my house, walk my dog, workout, and just enjoy the weekend.
I will be getting another roommate today. Jennifer will be moving into the 2nd bedroom and Annie is moving to the basement.
David will be home in, hopefully, 21 days. I have a couple suprises for him. I hope the week that he is home is just perfect. I hope everything goes as planned and runs smoothly. I am hoping for some alone time. I have to remember though that it is his vacation and I can't control it. I just want him home!!!
Summer is almost over and I have pretty much wasted all the nice weather on doing nothing. I did take a couple road trips but that was it.
The price of gas is atrocious! I can't believe that it is $2.599 a gallon! How are people supposed to afford to go to work or do anything that consists of driving somewhere? It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about the fact that I have to put gas in my car tonight.
Nessa is getting very territorial I am going to have to work on that with her. She will bark and bark at people on our street, but the second we leave our yard she loves strangers. She is a very strange dog.
Pictures of our childhood are pictures of our purity and true love of life. Take a picture from your childhood, frame it, and put it somewhere you will see it every day.

Need a vacation!

As hunger pains make their way into my stomach all I can think of is that David will be home in about 1 month. I haven't seen him since June 26th and before that it was May 28th. It is getting a little easier to be away from him. I still hate every second I am away with him but I can get through each day a little easier.
I painted the hallway and entry over last weekend. Now all I have left is the TV room and kitchen and some touch ups here and there. Hopefully the house will be looking nice for David's homecoming.
David and I are talking about marriage more and more. I am not getting excited...Well not yet anyways.
This weekend, I think on Sunday, Annie and I are going to Fargo to hang out. It will be the first time I ever drove around Fargo...I know I can handle it. I've handled Oklahoma City, Memphis, and St. Paul/Minneapolis. So Fargo is nothing.
I am getting very burnt out at work, I think I really need a vacation. I just don't want to waste my PTO. Now I know why no one has lasted in this position very long. It is hard to leave all the daily stresses at work when you go home for the evening.
It is raining out and it's only 59 degrees outside. Where the hell is my summer!? I do not even want to think about winter coming. I still hate snow, it could be 115 outside and I would still rather have that than snow.
I have been watching "Miami Ink" and I would like to get a tattoo but I have no idea what off. It has to be special and mean something to me. Maybe I should wait until after I have a kid and get their name or something done on me. I also want to get my belly button redone, but I should also wait until I've had a baby so I don't have to take it out again.
I am finally noticing some difference in my body from working out 4 days a week. Now that I can see results it's not as hard to make myself go.
"...I've never seen a hearse with a luggage rack..." Material things stay here when we go, the important things are the things we can take with us when we leave this world.

Spleen issues

I am starving! I eat way too much but food tastes really good.
My gramma was put in the hospital on Sunday evening for a grade 3 tear in her spleen. She doesn't know how it happened but she is doing pretty good. I think she will live forever. Due to her being in the hospital my mom, Myra, Wanda, and Ronnie are all down here.
Over the weekend I went to Hannah and RaeAnna's birthday party. It was nice to play with them and see Terrina and Steph and Sheena. I was thrown in the wading pool by Andy (Terrina's boyfriend). I got soaked so I had to wear Sheena's old clothes. I was shocked I actually fit in to her old clothing. Sheena and Hannah decided to come spend a week at my house. Sheena and I talked the whole way to Grand Forks. It was nice to have a good conversation with her. I can't believe how much she is showing! Her belly is really cute. I wish I had a baby. Oh well I am sure I will soon enough.
I went to see a "couselor" today because I was started on Lexapro and my doctor thought I should go see one. I did alot of talking and kind of know where I need to go and things. She told me to read a book and maybe see her back sometime. I think after I read the book and try a couple of things she mentioned then I will make an appointment to see her again.
David and I are finally talking more seriously about marriage. It makes me happy to just think about it. I just wish we had a date.
David and I had a little argument the other night but we talked through it. Now that he has a cell phone our communication is much nicer.
I had my yearly review yesterday and I have the second half of it on the 12th of August. I better get a raise. I think if it sounds like I am not getting one then I will need to demand a raise. I can hear David's voice in my head telling me I am just saying that and I won't actually do that. I think I will because I really need the money.
I haven't actually worked in so long I don't know if I am going to know how to when I need to.
Mmmm, I just spotted a pizza delivery man I think I should go jump him.
Act like a child tonight and you will discover pure happiness.

Random thoughts flowing from my ass

I did absolutly nothing over the weekend. I wasted the last two days of my life on eating and watching tv. I was going to turn that around and get up early to work out but my bed was just too nice and I couldn't get my lazy ass out.
I want to get my house finished so I have the possiblity to move to Texas some time. I really don't think I would mind it down there. I tried talking to David about marriage kind of stuff last night and he wasn't in the mood to do so. I think all he wants to do is sign some papers so we're married. I am fine with that as long as I know I will have a real wedding when he is out of the army or sometime in the future. I just wish we could talk about it so I don't have to continue to worry about it.
I have a doctor appointment in 30 minutes. I really don't want to go.
I want cereal. It has been a long time since I have had a bowl of cereal. Sounds really good right now.
I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith on Thursday. That is an awesome movie. I am definantly going to watch it again.
"Two people acting stupid is called love" I think that is very true because when you are in love you do things and say things you would have thought to be stupid before you fell in love with this person.
"Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go..." For some reason I have that line running through my head. I wonder why?.
Everyone needs a canine companion...They love you unconditionaly, they listen to all your complaints, and they think you are the best thing in the world when you throw ball to them. How could you not love something that wants to lay next to you in bed all Sunday?

21 years 3 days and 3 hours.

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Lack of Zzz's

Happy belated birthday America!!!
I celebrated the 4th by hanging out and relaxing. I went to Roosevelt's annual flea market. Lots of things I wanted to buy but I didn't have the money to even think about it. My dad bought me a clock for my kitchen. It really goes with the 50's theme I am putting in there. My dad spoils me and I have accepted that. My aunt gave me my grandmother's first diamond ring. It had to be cut from her finger not long before she passed away due to arthiritis inflammation. My aunt had it fixed and gave it to me because she knew it would be something I would cherish. It is small and simple but holds a piece of my grandmother. In 3 days it will be 3 years since I last seen her. I wish I would have gotten more time with her. I am grateful for every second I had with her though.
David got a cell phone so now he seems to be closer to me. He doesn't seem as far now that I can talk to him more often. I just wish I could be there in Texas with him.
In 3 days I will be turning 21!!! I am happy to be spending it with family, I just wish I could end that night next to David.
I got back to Grand Forks at 2 something this morning. I am not too tired right now but I know it will hit me this afternoon.
I have lots of little things to do this week. I will first have to figure out how to make my lack of money last through the week though.
When someone passes they are not gone; for you hold a piece of them in your heart, in your memories.

8 days till I am 21!

It has been forever since I have been on here. David was home for a couple days last weekend. It was really nice to wake up next to someone. I think that is one of the things I miss most. David is now in Fort Hood, TX. He is really enjoying himself down there. I guess I am happy for him it's just that I wish I was down there enjoying this time with him.
My birthday is in like 8 days. I am kinda excited I just wish David was here to enjoy it with me. On a good note, his buddies told me that they are going to make him buy me a gift!
I think it is kind of weird how his friends will just talk to me and they don't even know who I am.
I am going back to Roosevelt tomorrow after work. I am going to go to the annual flea market and stop by Rocky Point and give Cindy her birthday and Christmas gifts. Cindy called me a couple weeks ago and told me she is getting married. I am really happy for her, she will make a really pretty bride.
I went to my neurology appointment today. I am tapering off of the Inderal LA and I have an appointment to see someone about my depression. I guess it will be nice to finally not have "blue" days.
I am alot happier when I am with David, he completes me. I am happy to be with him, I am grateful to be part of his life.
I have decided that a person cannot know another person until they know themself.

Finally a Friday!!!

After what has felt like 13 Mondays and 9 Tuesdays finally it is Friday. I was going to work out today but David called and now it is too late. Oh well, he is worth it. I should be doing some work on the house but I just don't feel like it. Tomorrow I am going to go to garage sales and the art fest.
My gramma and brothers were here all week. It was nice to have company but it is nice to have some peace and quiet. My gramma spoils me too much. Oh well, that's what gramma's are for.
I was going to ask David where he wants to be in 5 years, I want to make sure we are kind of on the same track. I need to stop hounding him on stupid shit, I just have to much time to think lately.
Payday is on Friday and I got to figure out how to make $0 last me 1 week. I have did it before I can do it again.
I am bored and I am starting to think Nessa is just as bored. She just dropped her bone by my feet, what the hell is she thinking?
I wish I had money for clothes and fun stuff. I wouldn't mind being a little more sexier when David gets home finally. I don't need to dress like a slob and eat like a pig...which I currently am. I am sure he will still love me no matter what I do or look like.
Find someone who loves you even at your worst of moments...

Fixing up and selling houses could be my key for $$$.

David called a few times over the weekend. He went out and had fun Friday and Saturday night. He got to hang out at a few strip clubs. I always thought that one of those would be neat to go to, just to say you went. I can not wait till he is home with me, I know it will only be for a few days but I am still excited. I painted the trim in my t.v. room and my hallway. I need to start on the walls this week. I just need to find the time to really get working on it. There is so much I want to do to that old house, if only I had the money. I do want to fix it up and sell it for a profit. I wouldn't mind doing that to a few houses kind of make it into a second job.
I finally got a lawn mower this weekend. I just hope it works, I will have Bobby test it out tonight.
After I moved out and am not dependent on my parents I am starting to see some of their faults, kind of strange how people change once they aren't the center of your universe. I still love them, no one is perfect.
I am my cruelest judge, I need to learn to appreciate myself before others can truely appreciate me.

Time to reflect...

Well I am back from my trip. It wasn't as good as I was hoping for. Some arguments and yelling kinda ruined what could have been a great time. I finally got to see David. Wow he has changed! He looks hot in his uniform. The weather down there is strange, sunny and 90 one moment the next it is 75 and raining. It was hard to leave David at Fort Sill I cried all the way to Oklahoma City. Time and distance really made our love for each other stronger. I could have just stared at him forever. Even though there was arguing I am happy for the time I spent with David.
Well, Nessa has a cousin. She is a tiny kitten named Reece Oliveah. Yeah our pets have really cute human names. Too bad my future children will be named after my pets.
In only a few months David wil be across the world fighting for the USA. I wonder if he has thought about the fact that he might have to give his life for America? I guess it is just starting to hit me...I don't know how I feel about that.
Seeing the Oklahoma City bombing memorial really made an impact on me. Being there put a knot in my stomach and I could feel the lose the victim's families must have felt. How could someone kill 19 innocent children, those children had nothing to do with the government.
I really connected with my cousin Stephanie on the trip. I think we have become alot closer than we were. If you ever read this Steph...Love ya!
Time to clean some house. Time to reflect on where my life is going.
"Today is a gift that is why it is called, the present..."

5 days and counting!

The work day is almost done. This morning and I still feel it a little right now, is this feeling that something bad is going to happen. I guess I will have to take whatever comes and be thankful that it was just a false alarm if nothing happens. People should always listen to their feelings and never dismiss them as "worrying over nothing".
Last night I was watching Law and Order SVU with my sister and the show was on organ donation and the black market. I just want to encourage everyone to let their family know their wishes on organ donation, and please consider checking the little box on your license authorizing organ donation. You can help save lives by doing so.
Tonight I have to clean the house and go pick out an outfit to wear for David's graduation. I am so cheap I don't wanna buy one but I don't have any nice clothes to wear. Nicole offered to borrow me a dress I will have to check it out this weekend. If David ever reads this he is going to be thinking, "why did she make such a big deal out of my graduation?" I guess I will just have to tell him..."Because I love you."
5 days and counting! Then I'm on my way to Oklahoma with a car full of friends.
Don't go to bed full of worries drop them off with God.

The mountain of paperwork must be climbed!

One week till I leave for Oklahoma!!!
This last weekend was nice. I didn't do much but still enjoyed myself. I got to hang out with my cousin's 3 month old son Gavin. Gavin is such a cutie, I spent hours playing with him. It really gave me baby fever. I would love to have a child. I think that then I look at my bank account and the fact that David won't be home for another three years and that thought leaves my head.
I'm thinking of going to school in the evening again but I'm not exactly sure what for. So all of you tht know me throw some ideas my way.
Money is beginning to become an issue. I hate worrying about money but when I am short on it that's about all I can do. It will be nice when David is actually making real money, I will be able to work on the house without worrying about the cost as much. I have so many ideas I just wish I could get started on them.
I am going to have to give Nessa some extra loving this week. I think she fely jealous and left out over the weekend and I will be gone next week so I am sure that's going to be hard on her. My poor little baby I don't know what I would do if something happened to her. She loves me and wouldn't think twice about it. I didn't realize I would love that little mut so much. Being away from her is really hard on David, I don't think he admits it as much as he feels it.
A mountain of paperwork is calling my name and it is getting louder.
"May the wind be at your back and the sun shine warmly on your face..."

Live every second like you won't live to see the next.

It's been a long time since I've been on here. Not much has happened though. My dad fixed my basement drain today, he's so nice. I got to talk to David tonight for about 10 minutes. His last
PT test is on the 13th which happens to be a Friday. This Friday I am going to be babysitting Dr. Sobus' baby. She is such a cutie I'm excited. On Saturday I am having a BBQ and getting my hair cut. I'm not going to short just to my shoulders.
In 14 days I'll be looking into David's eyes...finally! This has been the hardest three months. I can't imagine what the next three years are going to be like.
I wish I had something inspirational to say on here but I really don't know what. Ok here's something... Don't wait for something drastic to happen to start living your life to the fullest start it with your next breath...

Laziness gets us no where in life...

Well another weekend shot all to hell. I didn't get anything done.
It was so cold on Saturday that I ended the garage sale early, we will do it again a different weekend.
Last night and today all I did was watch Lifetime channel. I guess you got to do that every once in a while. I got to talk to David twice today, it was nice. Usually I am depressed after I talk to him, but no this time. I am very excited to be going on our trip to Oklahoma.
I really need to work on this place but I don't have the energy. I need to stop being so lazy.
I am thankful today, I smiled alot. The world looks much better through a smile.
I think one of my problems is that I give in to everyone else and listen to them before I listen to myself. I often let everyone else run my life through their conversations with me. I really don't think they realize I am thinking so in depth to what they are telling me I should do or consider doing.
I really hate snow!!! This weather is very depressing. David was saying how 65 degrees was chilly, yep sure David....lets try 40 degrees!
I have alot to do in the 22 days before I leave for Oklahoma. I am going to grab my pop and turn on the tv in my room and start cleaning.....lets see how long this bit of energy lasts. I am betting on about 20 minutes...

Tired, craby, and stressed!

I am ready for this week to be over! I am tired, craby, and stressed. Saturday is the garage sale and I have not did enough advertising. Tomorrow I am going to hang the signs up around town, bake the bars, and make road signs. I am worried I won't have enough money to actually enjoy my trip to Oklahoma. I have been to busy doing other things to actually get a good workout in this week. I just want to see my boyfriend! Is that really to much to ask, why do I have to miss him so fucking bad? My house is not getting anywhere near done, I am going to have to work on that this Sunday. I could go on and on why I am crabby, but I guess the only thing to help that is to go to bed. So now I am going to take my own advice and go to sleep.

30 days till I'm hugging my soldier!

Food is good! This last weekend I ate and ate until I couldn't eat anymore and then I ate again. I had William's cafe, Daisy's Garden, Rosalies, and Gramma's good ole' home cooking. I gained some weight back but it was well worth it. I will just have to work extra hard at getting it off this week.
I got to talk to my honey on Sunday. He seemed to be doing pretty good. He's gotten my packages and letters. I am sending him some baked goodies tonight. I got a letter from Fort Sill explaining the graduation and when we get to visit with the soldiers. On the 25th we get from 1:30-10pm to hang out with them I believe even off base. Maybe I will be able to utalize some of that time making up for lonely times I've had these past few months ;)
This week I got to work on getting ready for my garage sale I am having Saturday. I think that is going to take up all my free time. Between that, cleaning the house, and working out I am going to be beat by Saturday evening.
This past weekend I got to spend some time with my cousins' babies. It made me wish I could be a mommy. I would love to have a child, to be able to look in their eyes and see all the love in the world. Even thoguh I got to see a few of them I am dedicating this blog to: RaeAnna, Hannah, Jordan, Jada Beth, Tairah, Wyatt, Lacey, Gavin, Mason, and a special angel Hailey-Joh. I love all of you.

Sunny days and a green tree...what else do you need?

On Tuesday I went to a cooking show. I got lots of samples and completely trashed the diet...Don't worry I am back on track.
My parents are on a trip to the west coast, I can't wait till I head off on my trip. I am counting down the days till we leave.
The weather is beautiful and the tree in my backyard is getting green buds on it. I just love Spring.
I am going back home on Friday evening to visit my gramma and get some things for the garage sale. We are going to bake brownies for David and I am sure we will go out to eat a few times.
I am grateful to wake up every morning to live a day I have never seen before...Start each morning with a smile and end each day with a conversation with God.

Lucky enough to have people to love

I talked to David over the weekend. He is in much better spirits and thinks there may be around all this. If not we are still going to take our trip and maybe he can get a pass to see us just for a bit. It makes me feel so much better just knowing that he isn't as stressed and upset. I still can't believe how my feelings for him have grown since we've been apart. I now know to be thankful for everyone I am lucky enough to love.
The weather is beautiful! It is 90 degrees outside! I can't wait to get home and throw some shorts on.
I seen my gramma on Sunday. She is awesome and I love her. My mind is swarming with so amny thoughts, it's hard to even get this stuff down. So I am going to ponder my thoughts and count the minutes down till 5 pm...

Frustration!!!

Ok, I am really pissed off at the Army. They told David yesterday that due to his bad credit he couldn't get security clearance to do his job, they told him he had to make 3 consecutive payments out of his military checks on all his debt or he would be recycled and have to do 60 days of basic over again and be put in a different job that didn't require security clearance, like loading ammo. He was upset which made me upset. Now we don't know when he'll graduate. Maybe by some act of God this mess will be cleared up. Everyone was getting excited to go to Oklahoma and finally see David. Everyone in my house is pretty upset now.
I had my MRI of my head done yesterday. The dye leaves a weird taste in your mouth. In case I didn't mention it before...Dr. McKinnon called and told me he was still concerned about my CT revealing the right ventricle being large and wanted me to see a neurologist. I made an appointment with Dr. Richardson who wanted an MRI first. I will be seeing Dr. Richardson on Tuesday. I am sure she will say it's nothing but everyone wants me to have to checked out.
I fell off the diet wagon last night but that's ok, I am back on today. I weighed myself at 124.5 lbs., so I am pretty happy with those results.
I have a nasty cold, it started in my upper chest and has moved down. I am really worn out, when I get off work I am going to take a nap.
I just feel like nothing is going the way I would like it to right now.

Motley Crue...Wow!

What to first talk about? On Friday I went to the Motley Crue concert. It was awesome even though I didn't know many songs I still loved it. There were fireballs, acrobatics, and even a titty cam! I really wish David would have been there with me, I couldn't help but think about him throughout the concert. On Saturday I bought a grill and lawn furniture, I had a BBQ. It was really tasty! David also called Saturday evening, it was realy nice to hear his voice. He told me he finished basic and was doing some other training. He told me he can only come home for 10 days though, so that made me upset but I sucked it up for him. I drilled Jason (Susan's boyfriend) with sex questions, I think I brought up some good ones. Some answers suprised me. On Sunday I talked to David and did my usual stroll through the mall. I went to Gordmans and bought a cute tank top, flip-flops, undies, and exercise pants. Tonight I worked out and finally reserved the motel room in Lawton. We picked a cheap Motel 6. Everyone that's going is kinda low on money.
I am extremely tired now so I am going off to bed.
Nighty night!

I think I have a sock stuck in my teeth

Tonight is the Motley Crue concert. I wish David was here, it was his idea to go to the concert in the first place.
My scar is healing up pretty well, you can barely even see it.
I'm so hungry I could eat my foot so I better end this and get something to eat.
I will be back to fill in all the details of the concert.
Later

Let the bad luck over take like a pack of hungry wolves...

Well Last Thursday bad luck struck again. My car was towed after I parked it in Annie's apartment parking lot. That costed $115. The tow fucker is going to pay...just haven't come up with a plan yet.
My Easter weekend was ok. I went to the Nite Hawk and sang karaoke with Susan and Sarah for Susan's 21st. Easter Sunday I destroyed my diet. I ate too much and then found room for more. I got to talk to David, which just hearing his voice makes me miss him 100 times worse than I allready do. But, I would die if I didn't hear it...kinda like a drug.
Tuesday I decided to be a good person and donate plasma. I felt tired after that but still wanted to go to the orientation thing at the fitness center. I wasn't working out but continued to feel hotter and hotter. Finally I thought I was going tobe sick so I started to walk out when everything got blurry and black spots appeared. I leaned up against the wall and ??? I opened my eyes to see the fitness dude asking me if I was ok. My chin hurt so I placed my towel on it. I pulled the towel back and seen blood, I thought I had cut my chin. Then there appeared another fitness guy who looked at the cut and said I would need stitches. I felt sick again so turned to my side, the whole time the guy is saying you could have a neck injury. I was more orientated by then so I assessed myself and said "No, I can feel my toes and have no tingling or pain." Then out of no where there was the fire dept. and ambulance. They asked 101 questions, to see if I was orientated. I told them to call my sis and have them get Nessa from the car. Even after I gave them all that info they still thought I might be confused?! They took my bp while laying and it was 135/90 (it's never that high). sitting it was 110/65. I got in the ambulance so the paramedics could take a look. The cute paramedic student told me 4 stitiches (liar). They took my bp again while laying it was 116/65, sitting 100/60, and when I stood they lost it. I also felt sick then. So, they told me I couldn't ride with my sister I had to ride with them. At the ER they took a billion xrays and a CT. Then after being there5 hours they stitched up my chin...11 stitiches. The shots to numb the area hurt like a bitch (they told me mosquito bite...don't know where there mosquitos come from but I sure don't wanna meet them). After another billion xrays the doctor finally broke the news. A chin laceration, CHI (closed head injury), strained neck muscles, and fractured mandible due to a syncopal episode. Oh yeah, one of my ventricles in the brain is larger than the other, but he thinks that's normal for me???He said I didn't have to stay the night cause it was almost morning anyway (3am) and my bp has remained stable. He gave me Tylenol with codeine to help with pain. By then my head hurt so bad I thought it would fall off. The next day ENT (Ears, nose and throat) called to say they reviewed my films and don't think my jaw was fractured, but if pain persists to make another appt. That evening Dr. Mckinnon (my ER dr.) personally called to say he and the radiologist reviewed in depth my films and feel that my jaw at the time was jammed and my muscles were spasming causing the image to be blurred. He said that if my bite doesn't improve in a couple of days to see ENT anway. Well today is Friday and my bite isn't better but I think i am going to wait till my stitches come out on Tuesday and ask then.
Last night Annie and Jennifer moved into my place. Wow, they have a lot of shit. It's going to take all weekend to get their stuff arranged.
I just want to end this with a little advice. If you have ever fainted don't donate plasma. If you are going to donate eat a very hearty meal before and after. Or maybe just stick with donating blood.

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do when they come for you...

Well I got a speeding ticket. I was driving down Washington when a cop pulled me over. He asked if I knew why and I said "Probably for speeding" he asked me how fast I was going and I said "I dunno 40"? Well, I was going 46. He asked me if I knew the speed limit and I said "40". Well, it was 30. I got a ticket for $61. I should be counting my blessings though. We (Annie & I) weren't wearing seat belts, my tabs were expired, and my registration was at my house. He never mentioned any of those things:)
After that I decided, why not spend all my money. I bought a sewing machine, tank tops, groceries, and "Jenga" game ( I love that game).
I went to the Home and Garden Show on Sunday. It was really fun! I won a prize and got a few freebie gifts like pens. Oh yeah, the prize I won was a carving knife.
Work has been really stressful lately so I joined a fitness center to let off some steam. I ran for 10 min. and was huffing and puffing the whole way! I am far from being "in shape".
Well I'm off to spend more money!!
Later gator!

My poor baby!!

I took Nessa to the vet on Friday to get fixed and her duclaws removed. When I picked her up she could barely walk. Her back legs are shaved and so is her tummy. She has big sutures on her back legs, and some on her tummy which aren't as bad. When we got in the car after picking her up I started crying cause I felt so bad. She just layed around and wanted to be held that night. The next day she still was weak but a little better. Sunday she wanted to play so we went outside but after a few minutes her leg sutures started to bleed so we had to come back in. Now today she is as hyper as she always was. Back to being my little brat!
Now if my checkbook can recover, costed about $250!
Well back to doing diddly squat!

Blah Blah Blah

Well last weekend I finally got my hair cut, you can't really tell though. Let's see what else did I do last weekend? I went to Gavin (my new cousin's babyshower). I got to see Hannah, Rae, Jada, and Tairah. That made me happy. The babyshower itself kinda sucked. It was all Nicole's family (Robbie's fiance) and they were kinda rude.
I developed my pics this weekend. There were a few cute ones, none of me though. I mailed David a letter and some of the pics.
I can't wait till David is home. I wanna give him a big hug and kiss. I miss everything about him.
The house is taking forever to get painted. I have about 1 hour of peeling wallpaper, 45 min. of steaming and peeling, and about 1 hour of sanding and puttying....Then I finally get to start painting.
Now I got to decide what furniture and decor to put in, I don't really know what will go with the colors. I guess I will just have to take a walk around stores and decide.
Well "Real World" is on so I am going to end this and watch that.
Later

I don't want Monday to come!

Well, I went back home to Roosevelt this weekend. I got my hair cut and did nothing else but eat and be lazy.
Nessa decided to scare the hell out of me when I was leaving my gramma's, I couldn't find her. I had left her outside to play with my gramma's dog (Snuggles) and when I went out to get her I couldn't find her. Luckly Robbie, my cousin, was there to help me find the little stinker. She had decided to wander down the road a little ways. All's well though.
Well I am getting tired so I am cutting this short.
Nighty Night.

YEAH!

David sent me roses on Valentine's Day! He had them delivered to work. I almost cried.
I picked out the paint colors for my living room, kitchen, and bedroom. Hopefully I will be painting next week. Wish me luck.
I also received 2 letters from David. Physically things are going well for him. He misses everyone but that is understandable. He was finally able to get ahold of me on Sunday. We talked for awhile and he told me I wont hear from him for 3 weeks:(
Well I better be off to bed.

Argh!

I keep missing David's phone calls! This morning I decided since I had nothing else to do I should go to church. Well I went to church and missed a phone call from David. Later on I decided to go to Gordmans and finish spending my gift card. While I was there I missed another call from David. I am so upset I am about to bawl. I missed his last call by a stupid 10 minutes. I don't know how I am going to handle 3 years of this. Well now the tears are flowing so I gotta be going.
Later

Finally

I finally got to talk to David today. He told me he sent me two letters and that he will let me know when he gets an address. He doen't have one yet because they are moving him to a different bunk or something. He told me to call and tel his mom he loved her, so I did that. His mom is such a sweetheat I can't wait to have her as a mother in law. He also asked about Nessa and told me he still loved me. That made my day a little better.
I made no bake cookies and have ate 1/2 of them, don't worry i will finish the rest by Monday. I am going to start eating healthier on Monday. I have said that a hundred times before.
Well signing off in a better mood. Good night.

What now?

David left for basic training on the 8th. I didn't realize what was really happening until he was gone. I didn't realize how bad this would hurt. I can't believe I won't see him for at least 3 more months, and I wont be able to cuddle with him or just have him around for a really long time. I guess I wont even live with him for another 3 years. This sucks really bad. My heart goes out to all those who have loved ones serving in the army.
I have an extra Motley Crue ticket and I don't know what to do with it. It was supposed to be David's. Part of me wants to leave the seat empty for him and part of me thinks that is expensive just to leave empty.
I am really depressed and I am taking it out on poor Nessa.
I think I am going to go shopping for a few things tomorrow, just to take my mind off things.
Well it's time to eat my sorrow away.
Later

Hello!

I was really busy at work today. I am coming down with a cold I can really feel it in my throat. I put on a pair of pants this evening and have come to the conclusion it is time to lose a few inches from around my waist. So tomorrow I am going to start watching what I eat and walk a little more...Let's just see how long this lasts.
Well I hope someone actually decides to look at this today.

Here goes nothing

I am doing this for all those who need to get a dose of Jess. I don't see why you just didn't CALL but anyways.
Yesterday was my dad's 47th birthday, my cousin's fiance had a baby boy, and my boyfriend joined the army.
Today I ate too much for supper, and now I am bloated. The fact that David is leaving on the 8th is kinda sorta sinking in....I am scared. Work kinda sucked, I was busy all day. Well, at least it was warm out!
Tomorrow David and I are going to start jogging, it is NICU day at work so that will be nice, and maybe it will be warm again.
For those that haven't heard from me in a long while...I bought a house in Grand Forks, I am working at Altru, and I have a puppy named Vanessa.