Happy New Year's Eve!

Happy New Year's Eve 2007/2008!!!
This past year has been one of those years that I will forever remember. This past year I raised a baby by myself due to Operation Iraqi Freedom. Many of Jacob's firsts took place this year, from first tooth to first steps. This year was an emotional roller-coaster many highs and many lows. I am happy to say I survived and have even become a better person.
I have a hard time keeping my resolutions but I make them anyways, so here they are... My New Year's Resolutions:
1) Get down to and stay at 120 pounds.
2) Eat healthier
3) Save money
4) Exercise
5) Stop stressing over the small stuff.
6) Appreciate the little things in life.
7) Finish all projects I start.
Let's see how long these resolutions last. I don't think last years even lasted a month!
Tonight is New Year's Eve but no kiss will brush across my lips because I am saving my new year's kiss for my soldier...

Christmas has come and gone.

Merry Belated Christmas!
Jacob's 2nd Christmas has come and gone. He got lots of toys, and I am not going to take up an entire post listing them all because I am sure I would forget some. On Christmas Eve we spent the day at David's grandparent's house and left there to come to my parent's house at 10:30 pm. I got about 4 hours of sleep and woke up to open gifts with my family and then we went to David's parent's and opened more presents. I have to say this Christmas was good to me. I received lots of wonderful gifts and even some I didn't expect! I hope I thanked everyone enough and if not I hope you know I am grateful.
David's Christmas sucked because Santa doesn't go to Iraq. I guess the "bad guys" don't like Santa. I saved David's Christmas presents and he will be able to open them when he gets to Texas.
I will be leaving for Texas on January 7th. Everyone tells me I must be excited but really I am not. Maybe once I am in Texas the excitement will hit me. This reunion is long over do and I just want us to be together again.... I think I am feeling more of a relief then anything else.
Jacob has been sick with diarrhea for 2 weeks now. I am going to take him to the ER, again, if it isn't better tomorrow. Last night he screamed for almost an hour with stomach pain. He would pull his legs up and make tight fists, the whole time screaming out in pain. I knew it was his stomach and I felt so bad. I almost started crying myself.
I will be at my parent's place for a few more days then I am back to Grand Forks to pack up and then I am off to Texas.
Jesus came to bless this world, let us all rejoice in the blessing of the Lord.

Just some words that fell out of my head...

In about 1 month I will be back in David's arms. I am getting things situated for the move back to Texas. I got us a house on post. I had to throw some tears in there but in the end I got us a house. Looking at pictures of what it will look like online has me in pretty good spirits. I just hope I don't walk into a dump. I know I can make anything work but I would like to not have to. I will be "moving" down to Texas sometime after the 1st of January. I haven't decided on a date because I don't want to get down there too early and sit in an empty house but I hate to leave too late and feel rushed. The plan at the moment is for me to drive the car down there with clothes and whatever else I can fit beside Jacob in the backseat. When David is on leave, the whole month of February, we will pack up and move the rest of our stuff.
I applied for my Texas nursing license last night... There goes another $200. I have to get my fingerprints taken and then they will send me a permanent license. I am hoping to get a job at the hospital on post. We will only be living like a mile away from the hospital so that will be nice, anything is better than the 45 minute drive I had the last time I worked in Texas. I loved Scott & White but it was so far away.
I am pretty much done Christmas shopping. I have like 2 gifts to buy. Christmas is right around the corner and I am actually ready for it. I love the whole Christmas season but right now I just want January to be here like yesterday.
I am really tired tonight. I haven't felt good all day. The house is a mess but I think it will all still be here tomorrow so I might just call it a night and clean it up in the morning.
I believe at the end of the day a toy cluttered house means a child spent the day being happy.

Pictures of my big boy!

I took Jacob to Target for his 1 year old pictures... Of course they turned out great. These are just a couple of the ones I thought were great.

Put away the party hats and bring out the toys...

The living room has now become the toy room. Jacob celebrated his birthday with another party yesterday and received many wonderful gifts. Yesterday's party was at my parent's house and Jacob celebrated the big day with his grandparents, great grandma. Aunties; Diane, Myra, Wanda, Jamiee, and Dollyn. Cousins; Robbie, Nicole, Gavin, Abigail, Heather, Jordan, Lacey, Sam, Kiersten, Maddy, Hannah, and RaeAnna. Uncles Bobby and Billy. Oh yeah, and of course his Mommy.
He got a riding toy 4-wheeler, stacking toys, a coat, sled, mittens, a toy school bus, toy phone, toy fire truck, books, a toy red racecar, clothes, and teddy bears.
Jacob ate more sloppy joes, hotdish, and a cupcake... That little boy sure can put away the food!
We had a lot of fun but I am all partied out.
I just got off the phone with David. He wants me to make some plans on what I want to do on leave... How do I tell him I want a wedding?... I need to just put that on the back burner for now and wait and see but it's hard when it's something I really want badly. It does look like I will be flying on a plane come February. I always make plans to fly but never do and for once it looks like there is no other way around it. I am thinking for plans come February I don't really want plans. I do want a night away just David and I like we did for R&R.
Right now I am in a really good mood and am going to take some time to just enjoy my good mood.
Motherhood is so much more than dirty diapers and car seats. It's happiness, frustration, and love all molded into the the most precious moments of your life.

A great birthday party for a great boy.

One birthday party down one more to go.
Jacob had his first birthday party last night. He celebrated the big day with his great grandma & grandpa Gaddie, Aunt Bup, Ashley, Michael, Uncle Pat, Donna, Uncle Blane, Aunt Jan, Nikki and her girls, Mommy, and Auntie Susan. He had sloppy joes and crackers for supper. He had his own cake which he enjoyed. He got lots of great presents including; a flag from Daddy, sippy cups from Mommy, legos and a book from Auntie Susan, legos in a fire truck and a book from Nikki, a shorts outfit from Aunt Bup, a puzzle toy and race car from Uncle Pat, and a nice outfit from Uncle Blane and Aunt Jan. The evening was spent visiting, eating, and enjoying Jacob's personality.
Jacob will have another birthday party this Sunday with his grandparents and cousins back home in Minnesota.
A bitter sweet day is the day your baby turns 1.

Happy Birthday Jacob!

Jacob is one year old!
One year ago today I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy and my life was changed forever.
I love my son so much. I never imagined feeling this kind of love. It's a love only a parent will understand.
Seeing Jacob's smile melts my heart every time. I fall in love with him all over again every morning I walk into his room and see him smiling at me from his crib.
Jacob has blessed my life and I am a better person because he came into my life one year ago today.
Happy Birthday sweet child, I love you.

Shopping in a snowstorm!!!

I have finally started Christmas shopping. I actually finished buying gifts for 6 people today. Even though it was near blizzarding I enjoyed my shopping adventure today. I have to admit I hated the walk to and from the vehicle but what can I expect living up north.
I talked to David today and even though he was stressed he was in a pretty good mood. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said "I want to come home.", hearing him say that all most made me cry. I want him home so bad. I know he only has a little over a month and a half left until we are together but that time is still too long.
I have so much to do before Jacob's birthday. I wanted to finish the bathroom but I am not sure that will happen. Oh well, people are coming to celebrate Jacob's birthday not inspect my house.
Jacob is learning how to get his way. He has temper tantrums when I say "no" or take something from him. He points at stuff he wants, too bad it's usually candy bars. He will also put on the charm when he thinks he might get away with something. I do love my spoiled little boy, he is all I ever wanted in life and more!
Baby kisses really do make everything better.

Turkey, steps, and snow.

Thanksgiving has come and gone. I went home and spent the holiday with my family. I ate lots of good food and spent a lot of time visiting and being lazy. I sure do love the turkey and pie.
Jacob took his first steps this evening!!! He walked from the recliner to me and then a little while later he did it again. YAY!!! I am so proud of my little turkey.
Jacob has had a cold for about a week now. I hope he gets better soon. I am also coming down with a cold. This is going to suck because Jacob doesn't care if Mommy doesn't feel well.
We got quite a bit of snow tonight so I will be out there with a shovel tomorrow morning... Oh, the great fun of living in North Dakota. I shouldn't complain I only have about a month left here. I am so looking forward to Texas weather. I love winter in Texas.
I wanted to do something special for David. Like make him something, but I can't think of anything good. I hope something comes to me soon.
I am dragging my feet on the whole packing thing. I really need to get my ass in gear. I hate doing things at the last minute but I work so much better under pressure.
It's my sister's 22nd birthday tomorrow. Wow, she's actually growing up. Thinking that my little sister is 22 makes me feel old. Weird, considering I am only a year and a half older than her.
David and I are doing pretty well. We haven't argued in a while and when we do it doesn't get as heated or last as long. That makes me happy, I think we have finally reached our comfort level in this relationship. I hope the happiness lasts when he is back. I am worried about stress causing arguing. I just have to remember to not get hung up on the little things.
"Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home." ~ Mother Teresa

Veteran's Day

It's Veteran's Day today and it has me thinking. In about 2 months my husband will be home from Iraq and forever on I will be married to a veteran. That just seems weird to me and so hard to grasp. I always thought of veterans as older men, those that fought in Vietnam , Korean war and WWII. That's not the case anymore. In a couple months I will know veterans that are younger than me, my age, and just a couple years older.
I have no clue how this war will change David. I do wonder what will be different about him. I know someone can not go to a war and come back unchanged, but how will it have changed the man I have known and loved for the past 6 1/2 years?
I know this war has changed me also. I can not exactly put into words how I have changed but it has.
Veteran's Day will no longer be a day I look forward to for the mere fact that I get the day off of work. From now on I will look forward to Veteran's Day because it will be the day I can show my hero, my husband, how much I appreciate what he did for our country.
Thank you David! Thank you veteran's! Thank you 1st Cav Boys!!!
"Live like he's deploying tomorrow..."

11 months ago today I became a Mommy!

I have now been a mommy for 11 months! It definitely does not feel like I have had Jacob for 11 months. In one month my baby will be 1 year old, I am seriously going to cry that day.

He has brought so much love and happiness into my life. My favorite part of every day is walking into his bedroom in the morning and seeing him peeking at me from between the rails on his crib. His face lights up when he sees me walk into the room and seeing that melts my heart. It is the best feeling in the world to know that someone loves you without any reserves.

LOVE is patient and kind;
LOVE is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
LOVE does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong,
but rejoices in the right.
LOVE bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
LOVE never ends …
So faith, hope, love abide, these three,
but the greatest of these
is LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, 13

November to-do list...

It's November and I really need to get working on my list of things I need to accomplish before I move back to Texas. The thing is the lovely Army likes to leave things until the last moment, so I don't really know the exact date that I have to be in Texas. I won't know the exact date until right before I have to be there. Because of that I have decided to be ready to go by December 1st and take what comes after that.
Things I have to do this month~
~Get medical records for Jacob and I from Altru, Aurora, and Grand Forks Air Force Base.
~Get dental records for myself from the dental office I use.
~Get new tabs for the truck.
~Get insurance on the truck.
~Pack everything I will not be using until I am back in Texas.
~Apply for jobs in Texas. I am thinking Scott & White, Darnell, and Metroplex.
~Get rid of the junk I have laying around the house. Ebay here I come!
~Clean out the garage.
~Do Christmas shopping.
~Clean this house.
~Get this house ready for winter.
~Lose 8 pounds. This one is going to be tricky with Thanksgiving only 2 1/2 weeks away.
I am sure there is more to do but I think this is enough to worry about for now.
Jacob is growing up so fast. I can't believe he is almost 11 months old! Feels like days ago I brought him home from the hospital. When in reality it has been 10 months and 27 days.
David is having a tough time emotionally in Iraq. I think he is past ready to be home. I could never imagine being in his place, being away from your son and spouse for that long. I am running out of ideas on things to do for him to help him feel a little closer.
"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love." - Mother Teresa

Jacob's first Halloween and a year since deployment day...

One year ago today the big white bus took my heart away...
David left for Iraq one year ago today. While I watched him walk out of that gym and board the white bus that would take him to the airport my heart broke. I had no idea how I was going to make it. It is the worst feeling in the world, watching someone you love walk away and you have no idea if you will ever see them again. While I watched him leave that gym so many thoughts filled my mind; how would I function without him, how will I give birth without him by my side, and will he ever meet his son. I have did it though. I learned to function without him physically being here, yet I email him my daily problems. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and only cried a little. David met his wonderful son and watching him hold his son for the first time took my breath away.
I often think back to how I felt standing all alone on those crowded bleachers watching and feeling my heart leave. Then I think about all I have accomplished this past year and how I have grown. Only three words can explain how I feel: I made it.
I know I shouldn't jump the gun on the feeling of accomplishment because I still have 2 1/2 months to go but I know I can make it. Hell, I could do it standing on my head.
Today was Jacob's first Halloween. He went trick or treating and got lots of candy. He was dressed up as a puppy and everyone thought he was adorable. I did happen to notice there is some candy he can not eat so I guess that means Mommy will have to help him... Yay, for me!
My cousin, Sheena, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy early Monday morning. His name is Ashden and he is absolutely gorgeous. Congrats Sheena! I love you!
I do have a cute story to add to this post... My cousin's 5 year old daughter Hannah was playing with Jacob while we were visiting them. She cam up to me and asked me if she could take care of Jacob so I told her yes and let her play mommy. A little while later she asked me if she could "have" Jacob. I told her if her mom said yes then she could, knowing her mom would never say yes. She asked me that same question two more times before we went to pick her mom up for work and I told her I knew her mom would say no but if she said yes then she could have Jacob. We are on our way back home after picking her mom up from work when she asks her mom if she could have Jacob. Her mom says, "What?", and Hannah says, "Jessi said we could have Jacob if you say yes." My cousin's starts laughing and Hannah says, "Please Mom! I will do everything, even take out the garbage!" My cousin of course said no, but it was the cutest thing and a memory that continues to make me laugh.
Never be afraid to love and laugh. Memories made with those you love are the best of memories made.

A boring post...

Nothing much happening around here. The truck is fixed so I will be picking it up today and leaving them a check for two grand. The special POA from David arrived via FedEx today so I am going to fax the housing paperwork so I can be put on the waiting list for a place to live in Texas. I need to mow the backyard, trim Nessa's hair, and clean my bedroom. Oh, the exciting life of a stay-at-home mommy.
Halloween is next week and Jacob is going to be a puppy. I need to put his costume on him so I know it fits and will not be too big. I am going to go back home for Halloween, that way his grandma's can see him all dressed up.
Sheena is going to be having a baby at the end of the month so I am thinking of going to International Falls to see her and the new baby after it's born.
The weather is getting cold. I do want to see some snow on the ground before I leave for Texas so I guess the cold weather is OK.
I really don't have anything interesting to talk about so I am going to go write a boring letter to David instead.
RELAX = Warm fuzzy blanket, big mug of hot cocoa, and a good movie...

Wonderful Wedding... Tired Blogger...

This last weekend I went the most absolutely gorgeous wedding. David's cousin was married yesterday in Minot. The ceremony was traditional. The reception was extravagant. David's uncle (the bride's father) made a toast to David which made me cry. It was just a wonderful weekend. I relaxed and visited with David's family... All of which I love dearly. I had so much fun and wouldn't know where to start so I won't go into detail. I am also extremely tired and can't think straight enough to go into details.
Jacob is getting a cold. His nose is all plugged up. I couldn't find the bulb to suck it out so he had to go to sleep without his pluggy which made going to sleep take forever. I hope he is over this cold very shortly.
I miss David terribly now. I always do after I see his family. I haven't talked to him since Wednesday night so that is also making it worse. I am giving up on him signing in tonight but hopefully tomorrow.
"Love endures all things"

Little bit of ranting...

Just a little rant...
A wedding is something little girls dream about and as they get older their dreams do not fade they grow. I am a huge dreamer and I have fantasized about my wedding my entire life. I am also a people pleaser and will do anything to prevent someone from being upset, annoyed, or mad. I guess in the case of my wedding the people pleasing syndrome in me won. I doubt I will get my dream wedding. I didn't get the perfect proposal so why a perfect wedding. There goes the one day I have dreamed about.
Yes, I am a military spouse to a deployed soldier. I am the only parent in a house and I am the one who has to deal with all the household crap that comes up. Please when you meet me on the street don't say, "it must be hard" or "I don't know how you do it". It is hard and I don't know how I do it either I just do it, but I don't need to be reminded. If I am out of the house that means I am probably having a good day and why must something be said to bring me down. If someone feels like they have to say something praise me for doing a good job instead or just lend a helping hand as I walk into the post office with loaded arms.
I just had the car washed and it's already dusty again... Can I never win?
Would a simple military discount really harm the businesses in town?... I know for sure GAP, Best Buy, and Target have no military discount. Most other places in the mall have discounts why not GAP. I guess I know to just cross the hall from now on.
I can not keep this house clean. It's just Jacob, Nessa, and I but we can not for the life of us keep this house clean. What am I going to do when David is back?... The house isn't filthy but there is always something I need to pick up or wipe off. Oh well, the people that come and visit me aren't here to judge my house.
Unless you are a mechanic and are going to fix it free of charge I really don't want to know if something might be wrong with my car. Unless you are a carpenter, plumber, or electrician and are going to fix it free of charge I don't want to know if something might be wrong with my house. Until lights on the dash start flashing at me, the car starts smoking, or the car stops running everything is fine. Until the roof starts leaking, the plumbing stops working, or the lights don't turn on everything in the house is just fine the way it is.
"The road goes both ways."... I was going to leave it at that but now I want to emphasize. I make sure to stop by and visit people, hell I try to visit everyone. Why is it when someone travels 3 hours they can't stop in for a quick visit or even call to say they are in town. I would get in my car and drive somewhere to meet them if they didn't want to come to my house. I would walk the few blocks if you gave me a heads up and let me know you are in town. Even though this happens often I still travel the 20 miles usually everyday when I am home on vacation so everyone stays happy.
How can I have two lawn mowers and not be able to mow my lawn?... Because Jacob won't let me and neither lawn mower runs anyways.
Unless I am shopping, when I make a decision I stick with it and follow through. If everyone could do that things would run so smoothly.
Letting someone feel loved and cherished isn't going to hurt anything. Making a person feel good about themselves or the work they are doing isn't going to make them get lazy or expect more from you. This is where "The 5 Love Languages" should be read. Everyone loves gifts and money but to some people thoughtful words and expression mean just as much.
Family is the most important thing in the world. Friends may leave you after a fight but family is always there for you. I have had many fights with my sister but I know at the end of the day when everyone else is to tired or busy to care I can always call her. Just because they are family doesn't mean they will live forever. I have lost some close family members. Maybe that is why I can't understand when someone hates their family or doesn't want to be with them. I respect my grandparents and love them dearly, without my parents I would be lost (sometimes literally), my siblings made me who I am today, my aunts and uncles are more like my parents to me, and my cousins are like my brothers and sisters to me. I love them all and tell them that often.
My husband and I don't talk political. I don't care who you voted for. I don't care if you hate the war. I just want you to support our troops and pray for their safe return home.
I could go on and on because a lot of little things have been annoying me lately. I won't go on though because everyone who reads this is probably already mad at me and I don't want them to hate me.
I am sorry if I offended anyone I wasn't trying to hurt feelings I was just getting some crap out of my head.
... Listen every once in awhile. No advice or personal thoughts. Just listen...

Fever Fever Fever

I am running off pretty much no sleep. Jacob has had a fever pretty much steady for 3 days. Last night I couldn't get it to go down. It was in the 102 range all night. I couldn't sleep because I was so scared that it would keep rising and I kept checking on him to make sure he was OK.
I got up this morning and it was 102.8 so I decided we had fought this long enough and took him to urgent care. They took an x-ray and some blood and said they would call me if it looked serious otherwise they sent me home with Amoxicilin and Motrin.
I have to give kudos to Aurora Medical Park. The Aurora Urgent Care is wonderful. The environment is clean and up to date. The staff is wonderful and there is literally no waiting for anything at all. I have had to take Jacob there two times and I have been impressed both times.
ER season premiere is on tonight so I am excited. I love my ER. In general I love premiere week. If a show looks interesting and if the premiere doesn't grab my attention then I know not to bother watching it. ER has always kept me happy though. I have been watching ER since Carter's first season. Oh, how I love my ER.
Need to get back on track in this thing I call life...

David's 25th Birthday & My 100th Post!!!

Happy 100th Post!!! & Happy 25th Birthday David!!!

Today David is celebrating his birthday in Iraq. He is really sick and I get the feeling he just wants to be home. I so wish I could be with him today.
This is my 100th blog post. I was looking back and wow, a lot has changed since I started this blog. I wonder how many people actually read this. Sometimes after a more personal post I hope no one reads this and then other times when I feel like I have something meaningful to say I hope the whole world reads this.
I was playing with Jacob today when I realized this is exactly how I want to spend my days. I love being there for my son and watching him grow. Soon I will be going back to work and I will be wishing for these days back.
Jacob is starting to test his boundaries though and in doing so testing me to see what I will let him do without getting into trouble. He is also starting to jabber up a storm. I have no idea what he is saying or trying to say but I love all the babbling.
Jacob's doctor appointment yesterday went well. It was just his 9 month well baby. He now has an inhaler just in case he gets wheezy. He weighs 19 pounds 10 ounces. I didn't know that I was supposed to be brushing his 5 teeth but I started this morning. Jacob's pediatrician, who I absolutly adore, also informed me that I can use toothpaste with flouride and it won't kill him if I just use a tiny drop. I also found out that Jacob can eat scrambled eggs, fish, and well pretty much anything he won't choke on besides peanut butter and honey. I am now glad I asked and didn't just trust the parenting books or WIC.
I am back to selling Avon. Well I haven't given out any brochures or taken any orders yet but I got all the mumble jumble so I can. I am hoping this will bring in a little extra income. I don't plan to make thousands but just some to help out with Christmas and all the extra expenses that seem to arise in the winter.
Jacob has been kissing like crazy and oh how I love those slobbery, wet kisses.

"When life hands you a lime rearrange the letters and give the world a 'smile'!"... Cheesy but cute!

My day in review...

So, I have two lawn mowers and couldn't get either one of them to start today. I realized this after I had already got Jacob all situated in his walker outside and Nessa all situated on her chain in the back yard. I was determined to get rid of some of the tall weeds sprouting up so I took out my old pair of rusted sheers and trimmed up the front yard which took almost an hour. I went to the back yard and after a quick glance at the work ahead decided to call it a day with the sheers and took Jacob in the house for lunch. I quick glanced online to see if my surgery had been approved yet by Tricare and still no word. To put me in a better mood I made Jacob a Kids Cuisine and we sat down to share it for lunch. Kids Cuisines do make the world a little brighter.
I finally got my anniversary present from David. It was pots, pans, and cooking utensils. I was completely shocked that he had got me that. David seems to go more towards the impractical jewelry type gifts (which I love) so this was a nice surprise. I cleaned my pan cupboard and put them in there, still wrapped in the plastic. If I took the plastic off then they wouldn't be new! I now want to start cooking and trying new recipes in my new pans... Ahh, that's why David bought them for me. Sneaky, sneaky! He sure is good. I also opened my jewelry chest today and realized it's not full enough. Maybe I can work on David to get that filled up for Christmas. Oh, how I love my husband.
I was bored and on the Internet during Jacob's nap and stumbled across the website www.helium.com It is pretty cool. It's a place where you can write articles on whatever interests you and you make money somehow (haven't figured that out yet) by having them read and voted on. I set up an account and have already written some articles, it's fun expressing my opinion and reading others. My profile is http://www.helium.com/user/show/311189
My fun on helium.com was short lived and Jacob was up for another round. He is starting to like stories being read to him and I love having him sit on my lap without squirming so we read a bunch of books today. He was in bed by 9 pm tonight and that gave me some time to clean the bathroom. It looks great but I think I used a little too much cleaner because now I got a nice headache going on. I wanted to stay up and talk to David on messenger but don't know if I will make it.
Jacob's got a doctor appointment tomorrow, oh yippy. I am thinking since I will be on base maybe I should stop at the commissary, PX, and gas station to use some of the privileges I have. I should call the vet on base and see if I can get Nessa in for a check up some time soon. She is due on her shots and it's been awhile since she's gotten a check up.
Oh, the fun of being a mommy and Army wife....
Cleaning house while your child is young is like wiping your butt while you are still peeing.

Army Wedding Vows

Seriously, where were these vows when we were married??? This is just too perfect!


If the Army wanted you to have a wife, it would have issued you one.

Dear family and friend, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the Department of the Army to witness this exchange of vows and to see the love that these dedicated, loving people have for one another. I, David , take Jessica (who was once referred to as the ‘dependent’), as my Family Member, to dwell together in so far as the Department of the Army will permit.”
“Wilt thou love her, comfort her via the Postal Service or over the telephone, make sure she knows where the commissary, PX, and clinic are the day she arrives, wherever you are stationed?”
“Wilt thou attempt to tell her more than 24 hours in advance that you will be leaving for two weeks, beginning the next morning? This especially applies to the years you will live in a foreign country!”
“Wilt thou, Jessica, take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well, almost) Army Wife, running the household as you see fit and being nice to the Commander’s Wife (even when it is hard to)? Further, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your child, not once but twice and more often in the same day, that mommys do have husbands, that children do have daddies, and that the picture of the man on the computer is not the milkman, but the same individual who will tuck him in at 2200 hours, long after he is asleep. This soldier is his daddy, who loves him very, very much”
"Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite meals when he does come home and freezing them when he doesn’t? When he is gone wilt thou send him all his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the children so he can remember what you look like? When you are separated on your anniversaries (which will happen more often than not) you will remember this special day and celebrate it on the closest day possible to the actual date. And last but not least, put on the outside of the door his ‘WELCOME HOME’ sign when he is due to arrive.”
“I, David, take thee Jessica, as my independent wife from 1900 to 2200 hours or as long as allowed by my Commanding Officer (subject to change without notice and will more often then not) for better or worse, earlier or later, near or far, and promise to look at the pictures you send me, maybe not when they get to me in the field, but before I turn out the lights. I will also send you an email if time permits, and if not, to somehow, someway make the time. I will also remember this special day and will try to telephone you somehow, someway on the anniversaries we are separated.”

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!

David and I have been married 2 years now... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!!
The sad part is of those 2 years we have been apart 13 months and some odd days (probably adding up to another month or to). We have spent more time apart then together these last 2 years. Well, that's what I get for marrying the Army!! I do love my husband and I am very proud to be an Army wife. All in all I love my life... Minus the deployment. Deployments suck!!
We've only been married 2 years but it feels like I have loved him forever..

Happy 9 months of being a mommy!!!!!!!!!

I have been a mommy for nine months now. OK, time to stop growing up now Jacob, I need you to stay my baby. Every time I look at Jacob I thank GOD for giving me such a beautiful son. It is hard not to take having him for granted so I have to remind myself of how long I waited for him and how he a gift from GOD. I love him and there are no words that could possibly describe the amount of love I have for my son. All he has to do is look at me with those beautiful eyes and give me that adorable smile and I melt.
I love being a mommy.

Our Vacation

Labor Day weekend was fun fun fun!!! Jacob and I left Grand Forks Tuesday evening to go back home. Early Wednesday morning we went to Warroad and loaded into Jim's truck with him and Jamiee. We got to Bloomington around 1 pm on Wednesday. We spent a few hours at Mall of America. Jacob went to Hooters for the first time and got a Hooters owl. Then went to Apple Valley to spend the night with David's aunt Kathy. Thursday morning we went to Mall of America again and spent some time chilling out there. We went to the underwater world at the mall and Jacob loved it. He loved all the fish and petting the sting rays was really cool. That evening we all hung out around the house and chatted the evening away. Friday we went to the Minnesota State Zoo. Jacob loved the monkeys and prairie dogs. I think I have to admit I loved the monkeys too. That evening we ate a screw up meal which tasted great in the end. Saturday morning David's aunt Jackie and uncle Craig were there and the girls plus Jim and Jacob went to the mall and the guys went to a Twins game. That evening we all plus David's uncle Pat and his girlfriend went to the state fair. I ate lots of greasy food but I think in the end I walked most of those calories off. We got back to Kathy's around 11:30 pm and sat up and talked till the wee hours of the morning. The next morning we got up and were on the road back home by 11 am. We spent the evening with David's parents and then headed back to Roosevelt to go to bed. Monday was spent being lazy. Tuesday I came back to Grand Forks and that was the end of my vacation.

Sitting in a room full of people that love you laughing and talking..... One of the best feelings in the world.

In Search of a Hobby...

Absolutely nothing is happening. I have fallen into a routine of just getting by. I have a list of stuff I should do I guess I am just not in the mood to get any of it done. Mowing, dishes, laundry, cleaning the car, organizing this house... Can you blame me for not being in the mood to do that stuff?

Jacob is teething again. I feel so bad, I hate not being able to fix what is wrong. I know that this is just a part of growing up so I just got to suck it up and try make him feel better.

Life is good though, I have a beautiful son and a loving husband. I am blessed. Jacob is wonderful, he is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. David cares so much for his family, all he wants is the best for his family.

I need a hobby. It needs to be an inexpensive hobby though. I am thinking about doing some scrap booking, I want to do a scrapbook on Jacob's first year. That wouldn't take much time though so I am looking for ideas. Gardening season is over so that is out... Hmmm, what should I do to keep myself occupied???

The wedding planning is still underway. I am still working on the reception site. Next is finalizing the church details. Then it's on to the bridesmaid dresses... A never ending list.

Blessed are those who find the the rainbow captured in a bubble in the sink full of sudsy dishes...

GOD Bless These Boys...

The boys of 2-8 HHC 1st Cav Division

Taji, Iraq

Happy 8 Month Birthday Jake!!!!!!!!

Jacob is 8 months old today. Wow, these last 8 months have flown by. Feels like just yesterday I took him home from the hospital. Now he is crawling, pulling himself up, babbling, eating a variety of solids, and getting upset with me every few minutes. I can't believe that in a few months he will be walking and talking.... Where did my baby go?
Today I am thankful to have a beautiful son.
Happy Birthday Jake! Mommy loves you.
A person's life can change completely in one day and in 8 months they won't even remember what their life was like before that day....

Minnesota is crying today

My prayers are with the victims, survivors, and the families of those who fell with the bridge in Minneapolis.
I may live in Grand Forks but my home is and will always be Minnesota.
When the news came on and I seen the bridge collapsed and all the cars in piles my heart sunk. No one ever thought this could happen, we live in America things like this shouldn't happen.
... Dear Lord, Please take care of the victims of the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. Please hold the families of those who perished. Please give Minnesota the strength to rebuild. Thank you for giving the heroes who helped so many escape the wreckage the courage to stand up and help. GOD bless us all on this terrible day. Amen

My soldier

He would give his life for America...

I would give my life for his...

Pulling himself up... What next!?

I am so proud of my baby! Jacob now pulls himself up to standing position all by himself. The first time he did this was Sunday at his great grandparent's house. I was loading the dishwasher and he was playing by my feet. I look down to discover he is standing up leaning on the door of the dishwasher for support. The first thing out of my mouth was, "You don't know how to do that!". Everyone was laughing. Finally one of his firsts when there were other people around to confirm what he did. I got up Monday morning to see him standing in the crib holding on to the rail and the same thing this morning.
Jacob got his first injury today that resulted in needing a band-aid. He was playing on the floor next to me as I was cleaning the entertainment center. I look at him and he has blood on his arm and leg. I took a wet-one and washed his arm off and there was no cuts so I washed his leg off and found the cut. A tiny cut on his knee. I have no idea how he cut himself but it didn't want to quit bleeding. I guess he is going to be a bleeder like his uncle Bill.
I went to my PCM to talk about getting a referral for a breast reduction. Her first reaction was that she didn't think I would qualify bit after talking to me she changed her mind and said most people qualify so I should. My first step towards the breast reduction I have been thinking about for a couple years. Lets keep our fingers crossed that it goes through without a glitch.
Watching my child sleep still takes my breath away... It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Emptying my head...

I have actually been able to talk to David the past couple days with no arguing. He went from wanting a divorce to wanting to go to Vegas within a couple days. I just don't understand. I love this man so much it's just really hard. He is acting so different lately. I am the paranoid type so I am worrying that it's everything from PTSD to Depression to ??? I just wish he would go talk to someone, but maybe he doesn't see how he's acting different. I want to tell him something is wrong with him but I don't want him to get mad so... I don't know. I know he loves me so I am just blaming everything on the deployment. I could never imagine being in his shoes but he can't know what it's like to be in mine. He said something last week that felt like a knife was jabbed into my gut. I was making progress on this issue and that threw me back on my ass. I know we both say things when we are mad at each other just to hurt the others feelings but I will later apologize because I know I didn't mean what I said, he just never apologizes so it makes me worry that he isn't sorry or that he really meant it. Maybe I just take everything he says to heart and I shouldn't but I am not thick skinned so when he says a hurtful thing it stays with me. I don't know.... OK, I am done. That's just been eating away at me and I had to get it out of my head.
I talked to the Sacred Heart priest today about having our wedding there and getting Jacob baptized there. I have a meeting with him Thursday morning. I have to make a list of everything I want to talk about. I don't want to leave with questions.
I have an appointment on the 31st to talk to my PCM about a breast reduction. I have been thinking about this for about a year and so when David mentioned it a couple weeks ago I decided with his support I would look more into it. I have been suffering with lower back and shoulder pain for some time and I am going to blame it on these damn things I have hanging from my body. They are heavy, saggy, uneven, and just plain ugly. I am just praying Tricare will cover the surgery. We couldn't afford it otherwise.
I want to start working. I have come to the realization there is no way I could do a full time job and handle everything else on my own. I am going to call Baudette hospital on Monday and see if they could use a nurse for every other weekend. I could handle that and it would give us more money.
David filled out the paperwork to get us a place on post. I love this man! He didn't need to go through all the work to do that but he did. He really does love me.
Yes, I know my blogs don't make sense. I just use this as a place to empty my head and what goes on in there doesn't make sense.
Jacob is crawling all over. He gets into everything that is in his reach. I am constantly getting him out of something. He has an attitude just like his father. When he gets mad at me he tries to run me over. OK, I shouldn't have said that because now I am thinking of Felicia. Anyways! Jacob is a wonderful gift GOD gave us. I love him so much. I just wish David could be here to enjoy all this with me. Jacob says "dada" now. I don't know if he relates that word to David or if it's just a word he heard a lot.
Only 6 months (give or take a day or week) till this deployment is over. Only 150 some before I move to Texas.
My head is pretty much empty now... One more thing. We are contemplating reenlisting or not. I don't know how I feel or what I think of this so not much to say about it.... OK, now my head is empty.
Just believe things will work out and they will plain and simple.

Jacob update...

Quick Jacob update....

Weight: 17 lbs. 11 oz.
Height: 27 5/8 inches.
Head Circumference: 17 1/2 inches

He is now sitting up with ease and crawling. He eats pretty much anything in sight. Learning how to wave bye bye and do patty cake.

Life

I am now 23 years old, a mother to a seven month old, and Army wife...... That's my life. Strange how things turn out differently then you envisioned them at a child. I would sit for hours dreaming about my wedding, my career, my house, and my family. I have somewhat the career I envisioned I'm not the NICU RN but I am an LPN and have helped many lives. I am shopping for a dress for my wedding which I have this sick feeling in my gut will never happen and yet I put myself through getting my hopes up and having them crushed. Don't get me wrong I am married to the most wonderful husband, I just regret not having the wonderful wedding. I am living in my own house, definitely not the one I drew floor plans of as a child but it's still my home. My family is exactly what I dreamed. I have a beautiful son and a loving husband and two almost well behaved dogs. The Army is something I never thought about. I never ever imagined being an Army wife or having a husband deployed to a country where people want to kill him. Even though I have often gripped about the Army life I know that when or if we ever leave it I will miss it. I have come accustomed to being 2nd and now 3rd in my husband's life. I know and am proud to say the flag comes first.
As I sit out here on my porch while my son is asleep in his crib and my husband is hopefully sleeping in Iraq I am thankful for what GOD has given me and even though it's not what that 10 year old little girl sitting on her bed in the bedroom she shared with her sister envisioned I am happy with it.
Thank GOD for not letting us determine our own futures...

What I've learned the past 8 months...

David has been deployed for 8 months now.... 8 months of living on my own, 6 of those with a beautiful son. During the last 8 months I learned I can do most anything I thought I couldn't. Some of the things I have learned during this deployment are:
I can drive 20 hours and cry the whole time.
I can make it through holidays with or without the cherished phone call.
I can give birth to a child.
Childbirth sucks even if you get pain medicine.
I can love someone just as much as I love my husband.
Driving in a snow storm by yourself and with your child are two totally different things.
I can shovel out a driveway all by myself.
I can shovel out a driveway twice in one day at record speeds all by myself.
Romance can happen even when the person you love is continents away from you.
How to jump start a vehicle.
How to fix a toilet.
I can drive a manual without my husband in the passenger seat.
I can feed a baby, write a letter, eat, watch tv, and talk on the phone at the same time.
How to give a dog a haircut.
How to put a stroller, car seat, and highchair together... Reading the instructions is a good thing.
How to deal with all the bills.
I can bring my baby to the ER at 4 am with a fever of 103, watch him get a spinal tap, and not freak out.
Getting ready to see my husband for the first time in 7 months does take 4 hours.
Don't worry about making sure the house is spotless, he isn't coming home to inspect the house.
I can argue and fight over the phone and internet... It just takes longer.
Care packages are the way to a man's heart.
I can never send enough pictures or care packages to make a deployed husband happy.
Coupons are worth it.
The library has good movies.
I can read a book or watch a movie without disruption if I do it after 10 pm.
To get over any fears of the dark or small creatures cause there is no one there to save the day.
Other Army wives are the only people who know exactly how I feel.
Yard work isn't just a man's job and neither is taking out the trash.
How to talk so the mechanic thinks I know what I am talking about.
Job hunting and house hunting aren't easily done over the internet.
Planning a wedding is impossible with a husband in the Army.
No one is going to do it for you so suck it up and get it done.

Inside Her Mind....

Inside her mind...

She watched him walk away, not knowing if he would ever come back, but she knew he had to go. He was needed in Iraq. It's a good thing what he's doing, she just can't understand why it's always her heart that is hurting. She thinks about the lonely days to come and she can't help but cry. This is always the hardest part, saying goodbye. What will he be doing out there? When will he get to call? This is what she thinks about through the night when she can't sleep, and she's starring at the wall. She goes about her everyday life, as if everything is okay. If only they knew that the pain inside continues night and day. She keeps herself busy, hoping that time will go by fast, and thinks about the day he will return when they can be together again, at last...

Back to Reality

I dropped David off at the airport at 6 am this morning. Damn, it was hard to say goodbye. I wanted to break through security and give him one last hug and kiss goodbye. Instead I held Jacob up to the window so they could say goodbye. 7 more months of being alone. I can do it, I've did it once before I can do it again.
The last 2 weeks were great though. I picked David up from the Fargo airport and yeah it was a moment I now wish I had a camera for. I seen him walking towards the car and seriously my heart just about jumped out of my chest. I barely got the break set on the car and I was rushing towards his arms. It was the hug and kiss I had been waiting 7 long months for. Jacob was asleep in the back seat so I took him out so David could meet his son for the first time... Another Kodak moment I don't have. Jacob looked up at his Daddy and then put his head back down on his chest and fell back to sleep. David said, "he's so little". I guess he was expecting a 2 year old?? We drove back to Grand Forks so David could shower and change. We grabbed a bite to eat at the Red Pepper and were off to Warroad. We got to David's parent's house just in time to see all the Gaddie's. They were just about to leave when we pulled in. We spent that night at my parent's house. The next day we came back to Grand Forks. We did a lot of traveling back and forth from Lake of the Woods to Grand Forks. We spent one night at the Seven Clans Casino in TRF. We got the jacuzzi suite. That was a great evening. My parent's stayed down the hall with Jacob. We also got "family" pictures taken. They turned out great. We took lots of walks and watched some movies. I guess you could say we were busy relaxing.
Jacob is almost crawling and is sitting up for the most part by himself. He topples over a lot. He rolls everywhere he wants to go, but he is trying to figure out the crawling thing.
I miss David so much. I can tell Jacob does too. He keeps looking around and I am guessing he is looking for Daddy.
I love that man so much, I couldn't make it without him. These last 2 weeks proved that to me. I can tell all he cares about is his family. This morning we drove to Fargo in almost complete silence, we both just knew how much we loved each other and sitting in silence holding each other's hand was our way of saying that.
When I go to bed tonight I am going to miss having his arms around me and when I wake up in the middle of the night I am going to miss having our body's tangled together with just the right amount of space so we can sleep comfortably. I keep crying but I know that's OK and I know that the sadness will slowly fade as I readjust to life. I CAN do this!!! I HAVE to do this!!! I WILL make it through the next seven months!!!
Dear LORD, Please keep my husband safe during his deployment. Please bring him home safely to his family. Comfort me during my nights ahead and carry me when I feel like I can not do it anymore. Help us feel each others love even though we are far apart. Thank you, LORD, for giving us a beautiful son and for leading me to my hero. Amen

10 Days To GO!!!!!!!!!!

10 days to go!!!! In ten days I leave for the cities to pick up David. He will be here for 2 whole weeks!!!! I have so much to do to get ready. I wanted the house and myself to look great when he gets here. The house will be close but I am no where near how I wanted to look. Oh well, he loved me pregnant so he will love me now.
I would fill this with a list of stuff I want to get done but I want it to be a suprise and David might read this so....
I am so excited I could scream. That wouldn't be good though cause Jacob is napping.
I haven't seen my husband in 7 months, I wonder how it's going to be to finally have him home. I know it's only 2 weeks but I will cherish those 2 weeks, and then when the time comes I will let him go. He has a duty and that is to fight for our country and I stand behind him completely.
True heros wear combat boots...

Jacob and his Grandpas

A picture of Jacob at 4 months old with his grandpa and great grandpa.

Life goes on...

The news has been out for a while now. 15 month deployments, so in other words, February. David will not be able to live with his son until February. He will miss Jacob's first birthday on top of all the other first holidays he has and will miss this year.
On to some better news... Jacob now weighs 14.85 pounds, is 25 inches long, and has a head circumference of 17 inches. He is 4 months going on 2 years. He has an attitude like his father. He is determined, lovable, and full of giggles. He loves blankies, toys that make music, and sweet potatoes.
David will be home in about 6 weeks for his mid tour leave. I have so much I want to get done before he gets here, I need to get my butt in gear and get working on it.
Spring is finally here. It's getting warm out. Jacob and I have gone for a few walks. He just loves to be outside. I guess that means I will be spending a lot of time outside this summer.
I really need to get a job. I don't know if I mentioned before that I got one but David didn't like how daycare was going to cost a lot and a stranger would be taking care of Jacob. Well, I need to get out of this house and make some of my own money.
David's deployment is going pretty well. A couple close calls but that's to be expected. I just miss him terribly. Deployment is very hard on a marriage. We seem to either be madly in love or we are screaming at each other over the phone. Lately it's been more screaming and yelling than the loving part. I am hoping it all gets better as soon as we can be back together. Maybe a little marriage counseling to smooth things over.
Life hands you poopy diapers but it also hands you the sweet sound of a first giggle...

Happy Easter!!!

I've now been a mommy for 4 months. It's had its ups and downs but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know that's cliche but seriously I can't imagine how I lived without him and I know I never could live without him now that he's here. As I write this he is sleeping in my arm. Completely innocent and precious. I never knew what they meant by "a mother's love" until I had Jacob. I would rather die then see him cry one tear of sadness. I hope his worst of days are better than my best days.

Jacob celebrated his first Easter today. I wish David could have been here to celebrate with us. We did make the best of it though.

I'm falling into a routine so the days go by easier. I still miss him but I know I can do it and am handling things pretty well.

I wanted to send a prayer out to the families of the 10 soldiers killed this weekend. May GOD carry you through your time of need.

....................Take time to listen.......................

Struggling

How do people do this??? I know there are millions of mothers raising there children alone. I know there are thousands of wives waiting for their husbands to return from Iraq. I know many many people have financial burdens. I know everyone has problems..... The question is why am I having such a hard time dealing with it? I am seriously struggling, and don't seem to be getting anywhere.
Once you hit the bottom there is no where to go but up...

Missing my lover, my husband, my soldier, my hero...

My husband will never get back the day our son was born without him here. He can never go back and hug me or kiss me when I was feeling the most frustrated and alone. He will never get back the first 10 months or so of our son's life. He can never go back and watch first hand, our son's first smile or giggle. He will never know how precious our child looked in the light of the moon when he would awaken in the middle of the night.
I can never go back and be there when my husband first stepped foot in Iraq not knowing what would lay ahead. I can never go back and hold his hand during the memorial services for all the friends we lost. I will never get back the chance to say thank you or good bye to my boys who died serving our great nation. I will never know the fear my husband must have felt going out on those missions.
We can never get back all our nights we had to sleep alone. We can never go back and kiss and hold each other when we so badly needed it this year. We will never know exactly how each other felt this past year when we would go to sleep alone continents apart.
I will share with my husband all the details of his sons first year, in hopes he will be able to feel some of the happiness I have felt. I will thank my husband for all that he has done for our country. I will kiss and hug my husband, trying to make up for all the times I wanted to but couldn't. I will be at the airport waiting for him when he come's home for R&R and again when his tour is over. My husband will hold and cherish our son, making a bond he wasn't able to during this past year. My husband will know how much he was missed. My husband will eagerly take on the role of "daddy". We will lay together at night not sleeping just holding eachother. We will try to make up for this year apart with more love than anyone could know.

Missing my lover, my husband, my soldier, my hero........

Looking for a job...

I feel like I have to time yet all I do is sit at this house.
Jacob got his shots today, so he's a little cranky. He was such a brave boy though, I am so proud of him.
I am still searching for a job. The bills keep piling up and the Army doesn't pay their specialists enough. Hell, the Army doesn't pay anyone enough when they are sent to Iraq. Don't get me wrong I am very proud of my husband I just wish the government would prioritize things and give the soldiers more money, they have the hardest job in this country.
I will be hugging my husband in 4 months!!! I can't believe June is only 4 months away. So much to do before he gets here. I guess I am going to be busy in the upcoming months getting ready for his R&R.
When you have a baby you learn how to clean an entire house in one nap... Oh yeah, you also keep time by the amount of naps and bottles in a day.
Shhh! Baby sleeping!

Being a mom

I am falling into the routine of being a mom. I hate the middle of the night feedings and the episodes of crying for no apparent reason... Those two things really stress me out, maybe it's because I can't share those times with David. I love the wide open mouth smiles and the coos, they make my heart melt. I think I've kissed all the hair off the top of his head, haha! Yeah, his hair is thinning. He now weighs a little over eleven pounds. He started eating cereal a couple days ago, I know he's a little young but he always seemed hungry... My baby is a little oinker.
David is getting homesick, I can tell. I think the calls home are getting hard for him. I just wish I could hug him and tell him everything will be OK. He's always so good at making me feel better, I just wish I could reassure him as easily.
I am going to go get David's car on Thursday. I am dreading the ride but looking forward to being in Texas again, even if it's for only one day. I am going to miss Jacob though, it will be the longest time that I've been away from him.
I am still in need of a job. We are barely making keeping our heads above water financially. Hopefully I find work soon.
JUNE JUNE JUNE JUNE.... I just got to keep telling myself it's only 4 1/2 more months and I will be hugging my husband again.
My little oinker is hungry.... again.
Look into your baby's wide, open mouthed smile and all you feel is complete happiness...

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!
What does this year have in store for me? I pray it is full of love and happiness. I want to laugh and never cry, I want to love and never hate, and i want to be loved and never be scared.
My resolutions for this year are:
1) Lose 20 pounds
2) Exercise and become fit
3) Be happy with myself and know no one can make me happy but myself.
4) Be better off financially than I was this year.
5) Organize my life