Emptying my head...

I have actually been able to talk to David the past couple days with no arguing. He went from wanting a divorce to wanting to go to Vegas within a couple days. I just don't understand. I love this man so much it's just really hard. He is acting so different lately. I am the paranoid type so I am worrying that it's everything from PTSD to Depression to ??? I just wish he would go talk to someone, but maybe he doesn't see how he's acting different. I want to tell him something is wrong with him but I don't want him to get mad so... I don't know. I know he loves me so I am just blaming everything on the deployment. I could never imagine being in his shoes but he can't know what it's like to be in mine. He said something last week that felt like a knife was jabbed into my gut. I was making progress on this issue and that threw me back on my ass. I know we both say things when we are mad at each other just to hurt the others feelings but I will later apologize because I know I didn't mean what I said, he just never apologizes so it makes me worry that he isn't sorry or that he really meant it. Maybe I just take everything he says to heart and I shouldn't but I am not thick skinned so when he says a hurtful thing it stays with me. I don't know.... OK, I am done. That's just been eating away at me and I had to get it out of my head.
I talked to the Sacred Heart priest today about having our wedding there and getting Jacob baptized there. I have a meeting with him Thursday morning. I have to make a list of everything I want to talk about. I don't want to leave with questions.
I have an appointment on the 31st to talk to my PCM about a breast reduction. I have been thinking about this for about a year and so when David mentioned it a couple weeks ago I decided with his support I would look more into it. I have been suffering with lower back and shoulder pain for some time and I am going to blame it on these damn things I have hanging from my body. They are heavy, saggy, uneven, and just plain ugly. I am just praying Tricare will cover the surgery. We couldn't afford it otherwise.
I want to start working. I have come to the realization there is no way I could do a full time job and handle everything else on my own. I am going to call Baudette hospital on Monday and see if they could use a nurse for every other weekend. I could handle that and it would give us more money.
David filled out the paperwork to get us a place on post. I love this man! He didn't need to go through all the work to do that but he did. He really does love me.
Yes, I know my blogs don't make sense. I just use this as a place to empty my head and what goes on in there doesn't make sense.
Jacob is crawling all over. He gets into everything that is in his reach. I am constantly getting him out of something. He has an attitude just like his father. When he gets mad at me he tries to run me over. OK, I shouldn't have said that because now I am thinking of Felicia. Anyways! Jacob is a wonderful gift GOD gave us. I love him so much. I just wish David could be here to enjoy all this with me. Jacob says "dada" now. I don't know if he relates that word to David or if it's just a word he heard a lot.
Only 6 months (give or take a day or week) till this deployment is over. Only 150 some before I move to Texas.
My head is pretty much empty now... One more thing. We are contemplating reenlisting or not. I don't know how I feel or what I think of this so not much to say about it.... OK, now my head is empty.
Just believe things will work out and they will plain and simple.