Jacob update...

Quick Jacob update....

Weight: 17 lbs. 11 oz.
Height: 27 5/8 inches.
Head Circumference: 17 1/2 inches

He is now sitting up with ease and crawling. He eats pretty much anything in sight. Learning how to wave bye bye and do patty cake.

Life

I am now 23 years old, a mother to a seven month old, and Army wife...... That's my life. Strange how things turn out differently then you envisioned them at a child. I would sit for hours dreaming about my wedding, my career, my house, and my family. I have somewhat the career I envisioned I'm not the NICU RN but I am an LPN and have helped many lives. I am shopping for a dress for my wedding which I have this sick feeling in my gut will never happen and yet I put myself through getting my hopes up and having them crushed. Don't get me wrong I am married to the most wonderful husband, I just regret not having the wonderful wedding. I am living in my own house, definitely not the one I drew floor plans of as a child but it's still my home. My family is exactly what I dreamed. I have a beautiful son and a loving husband and two almost well behaved dogs. The Army is something I never thought about. I never ever imagined being an Army wife or having a husband deployed to a country where people want to kill him. Even though I have often gripped about the Army life I know that when or if we ever leave it I will miss it. I have come accustomed to being 2nd and now 3rd in my husband's life. I know and am proud to say the flag comes first.
As I sit out here on my porch while my son is asleep in his crib and my husband is hopefully sleeping in Iraq I am thankful for what GOD has given me and even though it's not what that 10 year old little girl sitting on her bed in the bedroom she shared with her sister envisioned I am happy with it.
Thank GOD for not letting us determine our own futures...

What I've learned the past 8 months...

David has been deployed for 8 months now.... 8 months of living on my own, 6 of those with a beautiful son. During the last 8 months I learned I can do most anything I thought I couldn't. Some of the things I have learned during this deployment are:
I can drive 20 hours and cry the whole time.
I can make it through holidays with or without the cherished phone call.
I can give birth to a child.
Childbirth sucks even if you get pain medicine.
I can love someone just as much as I love my husband.
Driving in a snow storm by yourself and with your child are two totally different things.
I can shovel out a driveway all by myself.
I can shovel out a driveway twice in one day at record speeds all by myself.
Romance can happen even when the person you love is continents away from you.
How to jump start a vehicle.
How to fix a toilet.
I can drive a manual without my husband in the passenger seat.
I can feed a baby, write a letter, eat, watch tv, and talk on the phone at the same time.
How to give a dog a haircut.
How to put a stroller, car seat, and highchair together... Reading the instructions is a good thing.
How to deal with all the bills.
I can bring my baby to the ER at 4 am with a fever of 103, watch him get a spinal tap, and not freak out.
Getting ready to see my husband for the first time in 7 months does take 4 hours.
Don't worry about making sure the house is spotless, he isn't coming home to inspect the house.
I can argue and fight over the phone and internet... It just takes longer.
Care packages are the way to a man's heart.
I can never send enough pictures or care packages to make a deployed husband happy.
Coupons are worth it.
The library has good movies.
I can read a book or watch a movie without disruption if I do it after 10 pm.
To get over any fears of the dark or small creatures cause there is no one there to save the day.
Other Army wives are the only people who know exactly how I feel.
Yard work isn't just a man's job and neither is taking out the trash.
How to talk so the mechanic thinks I know what I am talking about.
Job hunting and house hunting aren't easily done over the internet.
Planning a wedding is impossible with a husband in the Army.
No one is going to do it for you so suck it up and get it done.

Inside Her Mind....

Inside her mind...

She watched him walk away, not knowing if he would ever come back, but she knew he had to go. He was needed in Iraq. It's a good thing what he's doing, she just can't understand why it's always her heart that is hurting. She thinks about the lonely days to come and she can't help but cry. This is always the hardest part, saying goodbye. What will he be doing out there? When will he get to call? This is what she thinks about through the night when she can't sleep, and she's starring at the wall. She goes about her everyday life, as if everything is okay. If only they knew that the pain inside continues night and day. She keeps herself busy, hoping that time will go by fast, and thinks about the day he will return when they can be together again, at last...

Back to Reality

I dropped David off at the airport at 6 am this morning. Damn, it was hard to say goodbye. I wanted to break through security and give him one last hug and kiss goodbye. Instead I held Jacob up to the window so they could say goodbye. 7 more months of being alone. I can do it, I've did it once before I can do it again.
The last 2 weeks were great though. I picked David up from the Fargo airport and yeah it was a moment I now wish I had a camera for. I seen him walking towards the car and seriously my heart just about jumped out of my chest. I barely got the break set on the car and I was rushing towards his arms. It was the hug and kiss I had been waiting 7 long months for. Jacob was asleep in the back seat so I took him out so David could meet his son for the first time... Another Kodak moment I don't have. Jacob looked up at his Daddy and then put his head back down on his chest and fell back to sleep. David said, "he's so little". I guess he was expecting a 2 year old?? We drove back to Grand Forks so David could shower and change. We grabbed a bite to eat at the Red Pepper and were off to Warroad. We got to David's parent's house just in time to see all the Gaddie's. They were just about to leave when we pulled in. We spent that night at my parent's house. The next day we came back to Grand Forks. We did a lot of traveling back and forth from Lake of the Woods to Grand Forks. We spent one night at the Seven Clans Casino in TRF. We got the jacuzzi suite. That was a great evening. My parent's stayed down the hall with Jacob. We also got "family" pictures taken. They turned out great. We took lots of walks and watched some movies. I guess you could say we were busy relaxing.
Jacob is almost crawling and is sitting up for the most part by himself. He topples over a lot. He rolls everywhere he wants to go, but he is trying to figure out the crawling thing.
I miss David so much. I can tell Jacob does too. He keeps looking around and I am guessing he is looking for Daddy.
I love that man so much, I couldn't make it without him. These last 2 weeks proved that to me. I can tell all he cares about is his family. This morning we drove to Fargo in almost complete silence, we both just knew how much we loved each other and sitting in silence holding each other's hand was our way of saying that.
When I go to bed tonight I am going to miss having his arms around me and when I wake up in the middle of the night I am going to miss having our body's tangled together with just the right amount of space so we can sleep comfortably. I keep crying but I know that's OK and I know that the sadness will slowly fade as I readjust to life. I CAN do this!!! I HAVE to do this!!! I WILL make it through the next seven months!!!
Dear LORD, Please keep my husband safe during his deployment. Please bring him home safely to his family. Comfort me during my nights ahead and carry me when I feel like I can not do it anymore. Help us feel each others love even though we are far apart. Thank you, LORD, for giving us a beautiful son and for leading me to my hero. Amen