I had time to think and complaining isn't good.

I've been thinking and I have come to the conclussion that I can not force David to change but I can change the way I behave and that should have some effect on David's behavior. I think I need to stop and take a moment to think about why I am upset before I start yelling at David. I realize after I have blown up at him that I had no right to do it and it's much harder to take something back then to just have not done it in the first place. I also realize I am home a lot more and I could do a greater share of the cleaning. A clean house makes everyone feel better. I think if I express how excited I am for the baby maybe that will help David to be a little more excited. I really haven't come up with a solution for the working thing. I am fine with him getting a second job I just prefer it be in the evening not over night and that way I can work my schedule around it and I will be able to continue working. The amount of time he is spending away from home with Brandon isn't really something I can change. I guess the only thing I can do is make sure and have some me time. David doesn't care if I go out with friends, so I just need to put more effort into that. I think if I had a little bit of my own life I wouldn't be so jealous of David having his own. I have also realized that this makes no sense but it is making me feel better.
Be Proactive!...

Just some complaining...

I have one month to go until my due date... I really want to be excited but I guess I am not.
David has been so distant lately. I am trying to understand why but still haven't figured it out. I know this baby wasn't expected and we were planning on waiting, but he has had 9 months to get over it and accept it. He never wants to feel the baby move and I had to drag him to the labor and delivery floor tour yesterday. At first he was all into finding a name for the baby but now that I don't have a baby name book sitting on the coffee table he doesn't want to even think about it. I think he's the only one who doesn't understand that pregnancy makes me hormonal and it causes great discomfort. I sometimes feel like I am the one who has to watch what I say around him. I think he has gotten more back rubs during this pregnancy than I have... Actually, I know he has.
Maybe it's not the pregnancy that is bothering him, but I really don't want to believe it is Jacob and me. Every chance he gets he leaves the house to go hang out with his friend, Brandon. When he does come home he sits in front of the computer and doesn't want to talk to me. I tried to make some nicer meals but he doesn't seem to care. He acts as if my working is a burden because I don't make enough money and he has to watch Jacob. The days I don't work or get done early he has to go do something without us so he can "get away". I take care of Jacob all day by myself and that is just supposed to be over looked. I agree it's nice to go out with just a friend and relax for a little bit but not 3+ days a week for hours on end. I wish he enjoyed spending that much time with me. He's been mentioning wanting to get another overnight job. I really don't want him working overnights because he will want to sleep the few hours he is home and I know that won't happen with Jacob. If David doesn't get his sleep he is very cranky. I wouldn't mind him working part time evenings and I could just work my work schedule around his. I like making my own money though and it is my time to get out of the house. I guess after reading through this I realize I am jealous of Brandon. Pretty bad when I am jealous over the time my husband is spending with his friend. Back when we were in Texas he seemed to enjoy spending time with me and Jacob, he never even wanted to hang out with the guys that much. What's changed since Texas? The only thing I can think of is that I am making less money now. I don't know I guess I am just complaining.
I shouldn't complain so much I know. He does let me pick out the movies when we go rent movies. He bought me beautiful diamond earrings for our anniversary, and all I got him was a cd. He makes more money than I do and I never feel like I am going without. He does take excellent care of Jacob when I am at work. He comes home to me every night even though I know he could be in bed with pretty much any other girl. I love him very much. I just... I want him to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

My child's laugh and smile...

This is what makes my life wonderful... To hear my child's laugh and to see his smiling face is all I need to know life is good.

“This is the day which the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it”

Jacob's getting shots today :(

I have already watched "Baby Einstein" two times today. I am thinking it's time for a little ER. I am not sure if I mentioned this before or not but David bought me like 13 seasons of ER for Christmas. I am now on season 2. I just hope we get tv before the new season starts this fall.

Jacob has to get his shots today. I am going to make David take him this time. I have had to do the dirty work all the other times he has had shots, so it's David's turn. I am guessing Jacob is going to get some type of reward after he is all done.

I have 9 1/2 weeks to go! I am barely sleeping at night because I can't get comfortable. I don't really enjoy being pregnant this time around, not sure why. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning, fun fun.

This weekend I am going to my cousin Chad's wedding. It feels like he is too young to be getting married. I still picture him 12 years old not 20. I am happy for him though.

The hours at JCPenney still suck but the work is so easy. I am going to need Altru to be hiring after this baby is born though, because David is going to have to start working weekends. I also don't think David could handle an infant and Jacob all by himself. He has never had to do the baby thing before so it's going to be hard on him at first. What am I saying, I don't even know if I can handle the two kids by myself! Jacob is a demanding little boy, he is used to having all our undivided attention.

I did take advantage of my JCPenney employee discount yesterday and got myself a pair of $20 sunglasses for only $4!

I really should be doing something productive instead of this. Maybe I will get dressed and Jacob and I will work on the yard. Either work on the yard or clean the kitchen. Neither of them sound very fun.

Motherhood is not about winning; it's about making it across the finish line intact!...

Still no name for baby #2...

I am getting uncomfortable and I still have 10 weeks to go! I can't lay down comfortably or sit up comfortable, and if I walk around too much I get tired. I am not a person, I am a walking hotel. I love the feeling of carrying my child but I am getting annoyed at the same time.... The joys of being pregnant.
Lincare found a way out of hiring me, I know I should be able to lift 120 pounds (my prepregnancy body weight) but I just can't. I am not upset though, JCPenney was nice enough to give me a job. I may make less and I have to work evenings but at least I get a 20% discount and Jacob doesn't have to go to daycare. I am planning on working here until Altru is hiring again but I am not going to worry about that until the baby is born.
We still have no baby names picked out yet. We haven't come up with a single name that we both like. I can't even really think of a name that I like yet. I am sure we will think of something. I did mention to David last night that we needed to think about godparents. His response was a sleepy "yeah". I think in the past few days I have thought of every little thing we still need to decide on and do before this baby is born. I will procrastinate on accomplishing any of it until October though.
Jacob is a little poop head but I still love him. He loves to shake his head no and stomp his feet. He is trying to put words into sentences. Yesterday's favorite phrase was, "I poop". He hit his head on his bed frame yesterday so he has a nice black eye today. It's not as bad as I thought it would be when it happened though. His new obsession is "Baby Einstein" videos. He will watch the one we have over and over. I checked some out from the library last week for my own sanity and he loved those ones too.
I think it's about time to wake up my napping family. They are so cute when they are asleep but if I let the 1 year old and 25 year old nap too long they won't want to go to bed tonight.
..."I poop"...