Missing my lover, my husband, my soldier, my hero...

My husband will never get back the day our son was born without him here. He can never go back and hug me or kiss me when I was feeling the most frustrated and alone. He will never get back the first 10 months or so of our son's life. He can never go back and watch first hand, our son's first smile or giggle. He will never know how precious our child looked in the light of the moon when he would awaken in the middle of the night.
I can never go back and be there when my husband first stepped foot in Iraq not knowing what would lay ahead. I can never go back and hold his hand during the memorial services for all the friends we lost. I will never get back the chance to say thank you or good bye to my boys who died serving our great nation. I will never know the fear my husband must have felt going out on those missions.
We can never get back all our nights we had to sleep alone. We can never go back and kiss and hold each other when we so badly needed it this year. We will never know exactly how each other felt this past year when we would go to sleep alone continents apart.
I will share with my husband all the details of his sons first year, in hopes he will be able to feel some of the happiness I have felt. I will thank my husband for all that he has done for our country. I will kiss and hug my husband, trying to make up for all the times I wanted to but couldn't. I will be at the airport waiting for him when he come's home for R&R and again when his tour is over. My husband will hold and cherish our son, making a bond he wasn't able to during this past year. My husband will know how much he was missed. My husband will eagerly take on the role of "daddy". We will lay together at night not sleeping just holding eachother. We will try to make up for this year apart with more love than anyone could know.

Missing my lover, my husband, my soldier, my hero........

Looking for a job...

I feel like I have to time yet all I do is sit at this house.
Jacob got his shots today, so he's a little cranky. He was such a brave boy though, I am so proud of him.
I am still searching for a job. The bills keep piling up and the Army doesn't pay their specialists enough. Hell, the Army doesn't pay anyone enough when they are sent to Iraq. Don't get me wrong I am very proud of my husband I just wish the government would prioritize things and give the soldiers more money, they have the hardest job in this country.
I will be hugging my husband in 4 months!!! I can't believe June is only 4 months away. So much to do before he gets here. I guess I am going to be busy in the upcoming months getting ready for his R&R.
When you have a baby you learn how to clean an entire house in one nap... Oh yeah, you also keep time by the amount of naps and bottles in a day.
Shhh! Baby sleeping!

Being a mom

I am falling into the routine of being a mom. I hate the middle of the night feedings and the episodes of crying for no apparent reason... Those two things really stress me out, maybe it's because I can't share those times with David. I love the wide open mouth smiles and the coos, they make my heart melt. I think I've kissed all the hair off the top of his head, haha! Yeah, his hair is thinning. He now weighs a little over eleven pounds. He started eating cereal a couple days ago, I know he's a little young but he always seemed hungry... My baby is a little oinker.
David is getting homesick, I can tell. I think the calls home are getting hard for him. I just wish I could hug him and tell him everything will be OK. He's always so good at making me feel better, I just wish I could reassure him as easily.
I am going to go get David's car on Thursday. I am dreading the ride but looking forward to being in Texas again, even if it's for only one day. I am going to miss Jacob though, it will be the longest time that I've been away from him.
I am still in need of a job. We are barely making keeping our heads above water financially. Hopefully I find work soon.
JUNE JUNE JUNE JUNE.... I just got to keep telling myself it's only 4 1/2 more months and I will be hugging my husband again.
My little oinker is hungry.... again.
Look into your baby's wide, open mouthed smile and all you feel is complete happiness...

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!
What does this year have in store for me? I pray it is full of love and happiness. I want to laugh and never cry, I want to love and never hate, and i want to be loved and never be scared.
My resolutions for this year are:
1) Lose 20 pounds
2) Exercise and become fit
3) Be happy with myself and know no one can make me happy but myself.
4) Be better off financially than I was this year.
5) Organize my life

Jacob's Here!!!

Wow, so much has happened since I was last on here. First things first, I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. His name is Jacob and he was born December 7th at 3:02 pm in Grand Forks, ND. He weighed 8 lbs 0.8 oz and was 22 inches long. Childbirth is physically the hardest thing you will ever do in your life but it is soo worth it. David was able to call about 2 hours after he was born. He found out through his dad, I wish it could have been me but what can I do. I have taken many many pictures and I had the birth recorded and mailed it to him. I can't wait till he gets it and watches it, I think he will realize how difficult childbirth is and appreciate me more.

I feel like I am riding an emotional rollercoaster. One moment I am extremely happy and the next I am in tears. I can't believe I have a beautiful son yet I miss his father terribly.

I have taken Jacob to see David's parents and his aunt. I am going to keep them as involved as my family is.

Christmas is fast approaching and I haven't bought any gifts. I guess that will keep me busy this next week.

I have never felt love so strong until I looked into my childs eyes.