Jacob's first Halloween and a year since deployment day...

One year ago today the big white bus took my heart away...
David left for Iraq one year ago today. While I watched him walk out of that gym and board the white bus that would take him to the airport my heart broke. I had no idea how I was going to make it. It is the worst feeling in the world, watching someone you love walk away and you have no idea if you will ever see them again. While I watched him leave that gym so many thoughts filled my mind; how would I function without him, how will I give birth without him by my side, and will he ever meet his son. I have did it though. I learned to function without him physically being here, yet I email him my daily problems. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and only cried a little. David met his wonderful son and watching him hold his son for the first time took my breath away.
I often think back to how I felt standing all alone on those crowded bleachers watching and feeling my heart leave. Then I think about all I have accomplished this past year and how I have grown. Only three words can explain how I feel: I made it.
I know I shouldn't jump the gun on the feeling of accomplishment because I still have 2 1/2 months to go but I know I can make it. Hell, I could do it standing on my head.
Today was Jacob's first Halloween. He went trick or treating and got lots of candy. He was dressed up as a puppy and everyone thought he was adorable. I did happen to notice there is some candy he can not eat so I guess that means Mommy will have to help him... Yay, for me!
My cousin, Sheena, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy early Monday morning. His name is Ashden and he is absolutely gorgeous. Congrats Sheena! I love you!
I do have a cute story to add to this post... My cousin's 5 year old daughter Hannah was playing with Jacob while we were visiting them. She cam up to me and asked me if she could take care of Jacob so I told her yes and let her play mommy. A little while later she asked me if she could "have" Jacob. I told her if her mom said yes then she could, knowing her mom would never say yes. She asked me that same question two more times before we went to pick her mom up for work and I told her I knew her mom would say no but if she said yes then she could have Jacob. We are on our way back home after picking her mom up from work when she asks her mom if she could have Jacob. Her mom says, "What?", and Hannah says, "Jessi said we could have Jacob if you say yes." My cousin's starts laughing and Hannah says, "Please Mom! I will do everything, even take out the garbage!" My cousin of course said no, but it was the cutest thing and a memory that continues to make me laugh.
Never be afraid to love and laugh. Memories made with those you love are the best of memories made.

A boring post...

Nothing much happening around here. The truck is fixed so I will be picking it up today and leaving them a check for two grand. The special POA from David arrived via FedEx today so I am going to fax the housing paperwork so I can be put on the waiting list for a place to live in Texas. I need to mow the backyard, trim Nessa's hair, and clean my bedroom. Oh, the exciting life of a stay-at-home mommy.
Halloween is next week and Jacob is going to be a puppy. I need to put his costume on him so I know it fits and will not be too big. I am going to go back home for Halloween, that way his grandma's can see him all dressed up.
Sheena is going to be having a baby at the end of the month so I am thinking of going to International Falls to see her and the new baby after it's born.
The weather is getting cold. I do want to see some snow on the ground before I leave for Texas so I guess the cold weather is OK.
I really don't have anything interesting to talk about so I am going to go write a boring letter to David instead.
RELAX = Warm fuzzy blanket, big mug of hot cocoa, and a good movie...

Wonderful Wedding... Tired Blogger...

This last weekend I went the most absolutely gorgeous wedding. David's cousin was married yesterday in Minot. The ceremony was traditional. The reception was extravagant. David's uncle (the bride's father) made a toast to David which made me cry. It was just a wonderful weekend. I relaxed and visited with David's family... All of which I love dearly. I had so much fun and wouldn't know where to start so I won't go into detail. I am also extremely tired and can't think straight enough to go into details.
Jacob is getting a cold. His nose is all plugged up. I couldn't find the bulb to suck it out so he had to go to sleep without his pluggy which made going to sleep take forever. I hope he is over this cold very shortly.
I miss David terribly now. I always do after I see his family. I haven't talked to him since Wednesday night so that is also making it worse. I am giving up on him signing in tonight but hopefully tomorrow.
"Love endures all things"

Little bit of ranting...

Just a little rant...
A wedding is something little girls dream about and as they get older their dreams do not fade they grow. I am a huge dreamer and I have fantasized about my wedding my entire life. I am also a people pleaser and will do anything to prevent someone from being upset, annoyed, or mad. I guess in the case of my wedding the people pleasing syndrome in me won. I doubt I will get my dream wedding. I didn't get the perfect proposal so why a perfect wedding. There goes the one day I have dreamed about.
Yes, I am a military spouse to a deployed soldier. I am the only parent in a house and I am the one who has to deal with all the household crap that comes up. Please when you meet me on the street don't say, "it must be hard" or "I don't know how you do it". It is hard and I don't know how I do it either I just do it, but I don't need to be reminded. If I am out of the house that means I am probably having a good day and why must something be said to bring me down. If someone feels like they have to say something praise me for doing a good job instead or just lend a helping hand as I walk into the post office with loaded arms.
I just had the car washed and it's already dusty again... Can I never win?
Would a simple military discount really harm the businesses in town?... I know for sure GAP, Best Buy, and Target have no military discount. Most other places in the mall have discounts why not GAP. I guess I know to just cross the hall from now on.
I can not keep this house clean. It's just Jacob, Nessa, and I but we can not for the life of us keep this house clean. What am I going to do when David is back?... The house isn't filthy but there is always something I need to pick up or wipe off. Oh well, the people that come and visit me aren't here to judge my house.
Unless you are a mechanic and are going to fix it free of charge I really don't want to know if something might be wrong with my car. Unless you are a carpenter, plumber, or electrician and are going to fix it free of charge I don't want to know if something might be wrong with my house. Until lights on the dash start flashing at me, the car starts smoking, or the car stops running everything is fine. Until the roof starts leaking, the plumbing stops working, or the lights don't turn on everything in the house is just fine the way it is.
"The road goes both ways."... I was going to leave it at that but now I want to emphasize. I make sure to stop by and visit people, hell I try to visit everyone. Why is it when someone travels 3 hours they can't stop in for a quick visit or even call to say they are in town. I would get in my car and drive somewhere to meet them if they didn't want to come to my house. I would walk the few blocks if you gave me a heads up and let me know you are in town. Even though this happens often I still travel the 20 miles usually everyday when I am home on vacation so everyone stays happy.
How can I have two lawn mowers and not be able to mow my lawn?... Because Jacob won't let me and neither lawn mower runs anyways.
Unless I am shopping, when I make a decision I stick with it and follow through. If everyone could do that things would run so smoothly.
Letting someone feel loved and cherished isn't going to hurt anything. Making a person feel good about themselves or the work they are doing isn't going to make them get lazy or expect more from you. This is where "The 5 Love Languages" should be read. Everyone loves gifts and money but to some people thoughtful words and expression mean just as much.
Family is the most important thing in the world. Friends may leave you after a fight but family is always there for you. I have had many fights with my sister but I know at the end of the day when everyone else is to tired or busy to care I can always call her. Just because they are family doesn't mean they will live forever. I have lost some close family members. Maybe that is why I can't understand when someone hates their family or doesn't want to be with them. I respect my grandparents and love them dearly, without my parents I would be lost (sometimes literally), my siblings made me who I am today, my aunts and uncles are more like my parents to me, and my cousins are like my brothers and sisters to me. I love them all and tell them that often.
My husband and I don't talk political. I don't care who you voted for. I don't care if you hate the war. I just want you to support our troops and pray for their safe return home.
I could go on and on because a lot of little things have been annoying me lately. I won't go on though because everyone who reads this is probably already mad at me and I don't want them to hate me.
I am sorry if I offended anyone I wasn't trying to hurt feelings I was just getting some crap out of my head.
... Listen every once in awhile. No advice or personal thoughts. Just listen...

Fever Fever Fever

I am running off pretty much no sleep. Jacob has had a fever pretty much steady for 3 days. Last night I couldn't get it to go down. It was in the 102 range all night. I couldn't sleep because I was so scared that it would keep rising and I kept checking on him to make sure he was OK.
I got up this morning and it was 102.8 so I decided we had fought this long enough and took him to urgent care. They took an x-ray and some blood and said they would call me if it looked serious otherwise they sent me home with Amoxicilin and Motrin.
I have to give kudos to Aurora Medical Park. The Aurora Urgent Care is wonderful. The environment is clean and up to date. The staff is wonderful and there is literally no waiting for anything at all. I have had to take Jacob there two times and I have been impressed both times.
ER season premiere is on tonight so I am excited. I love my ER. In general I love premiere week. If a show looks interesting and if the premiere doesn't grab my attention then I know not to bother watching it. ER has always kept me happy though. I have been watching ER since Carter's first season. Oh, how I love my ER.
Need to get back on track in this thing I call life...