Jacob's Here!!!

Wow, so much has happened since I was last on here. First things first, I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. His name is Jacob and he was born December 7th at 3:02 pm in Grand Forks, ND. He weighed 8 lbs 0.8 oz and was 22 inches long. Childbirth is physically the hardest thing you will ever do in your life but it is soo worth it. David was able to call about 2 hours after he was born. He found out through his dad, I wish it could have been me but what can I do. I have taken many many pictures and I had the birth recorded and mailed it to him. I can't wait till he gets it and watches it, I think he will realize how difficult childbirth is and appreciate me more.

I feel like I am riding an emotional rollercoaster. One moment I am extremely happy and the next I am in tears. I can't believe I have a beautiful son yet I miss his father terribly.

I have taken Jacob to see David's parents and his aunt. I am going to keep them as involved as my family is.

Christmas is fast approaching and I haven't bought any gifts. I guess that will keep me busy this next week.

I have never felt love so strong until I looked into my childs eyes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!
I know there is so much I should be thankful for this Thanksgiving but I am depressed and that seems to be shadowing the happiness I should be feeling. I can't seem to quit thinking about some things that I wish I could, I miss David terribly, and I am confused on some other things floating around in my mind. I really shouldn't fill this with woo is me, I have much more than many other people out there. For one thing I was able to celebrate this day with my family unlike those serving in Iraq. I am also going to celebrate the birth of my child very soon and just that is something I am very thankful for. I have a family that loves me, clothes to wear, a roof over my head, and a full stomach... Thank you LORD.
I hope the depressing, confusing thoughts escape my mind soon. I really don't know how to get things out of my mind, but to talk about them and that's something I can't do right now. I guess I will figure it all out some time.
I have been blessed, sometimes we forget that and have to remind ourselves. If you're going to count your problems remember to count your blessings, because there's always more to be happy about than to grumble about.

Talked to David!

I just got done talking to David over MSN. I don't know what to say to him. I want to tell him how much I miss and love him but I always end up talking about stupid stuff that doesn't matter. It hurts so bad to be away from him. I really need to get busy so time goes by quicker. This weekend I am going to Texas to get his car, well I guess it's our car but I can't get myself to call it anything but his. I will be traveling with his Dad and Susan.
6 months and I will see David's face again. I can do it, I did almost 4 months with only talking to him on Sundays for 10 minutes. David did tell me in a short email I got yesterday that they are going into a very dangerous part of Iraq. I kind of wish I didn't know that, but that's OK cause he will come home to me.
Today would have been my cousin, Hailey-Joh's, birthday. She was born Nov. 6 1998 and passed away May 9 1999. Miss you and love you Hailey!
Everyone who reads this please keep him and my other fister boys of 1st Cav in your prayers.
Laughter keeps you from falling down when your world is shaking and turning upside down.

David's in Iraq... 363 days to go.

Well David is now in Iraq. I spent last week in Texas with him, that was the shortest week of my life. Tuesday we got up at 4 am and drove to Fort Hood. We spent a couple hours just hanging out and I also spent it in complete denial. At about 9 am we went into the gym, reality started to set in. As the minutes ticked by I got more and more emotional, I didn't want to let go of David. During the prayer I lost it and silently sobbed on David's knee. When they told us we had 5 minutes to say good bye we stood up and hugged. I wanted to say something special but at first I couldn't get any words out and then all I could say is "I love you". David kept telling me "it's OK, everything will be all right". Watching him leave that gym was the worst moment of my life. We waved goodbye to each other as he neared the doorway. I got in my car and drove around the block to see the white buses parked behind the building. I sat in my car and watched them drive away, I watched my heart and love drive away from me. I left Fort Hood and Texas in general at that time. I started on my way home. Around 4 pm David called to say they stopped in Maine. We had a quick 3 minute lng conversation and at the end all I could say again was "I love you, I love you" I again wanted to say more but the tears stopped that. I got home from Texas yesterday at around 2:30 pm. I haven't heard from David since that last 3 min. long conversation on Tuesday. I miss him so much and can't describe the pain I feel inside. How in the hell did I make it through his time in basic? Right now I want to crawl in a hole and wait this year out, I know I can't and I know that would make it worse. I am just going to have to keep trudging on, keep myself busy, and focus on making myself happy, taking care of our baby (due in 1 month), and strengthening our relationship. Anyone who has ever been in or is going through this please leave a comment I would love to talk to you. David, if you read this please know I love you and miss you.
Use the difficult times in your life as tools to make you a stronger, better person.

ARGH!!!!

I want to spill my guts but I can't. I want to get everything out, because for some reason I am keeping it in. I don't know how many times someone can emotionally hurt another person and expect that person to be able to stand. People have really low points in their lives and I hope this is the lowest point. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Does it also make us a better and happier person? You can not force someone to want you, need you, or make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself before someone else can be happy with you.. Right?
Pain fades and life gets better, I guess you just need to remind yourself of that when you hurt. When you find yourself in a pile of mud you can't just stand there and sink, you have to keep trudging along until your feet find on soft sand.